Time in a Bottle

Well, we'd planned to finish things up last December, but Rita knocked us into the 'weird zone'. In fact, my time-sense is so messed up I'm still not sure we've entered 2006. So maybe it's fitting that we'll finish up our 125th anniversary celebration on Presbyterian Heritage Sunday next month instead of on New Year's Eve 2005.

We had a grand time last year when we discovered a time capsule behind our cornerstone on the weekend of our anniversary kickoff. There were all sorts of interesting and wonderful things in it from 1910 when the sanctuary was built. It was fun to see the local newspapers, the Sunday school materials, the lists of people in leadership positions, the Bible from the Civil War era, the church cookbook, the coins and that little business card declaring its owner's new phone number: 363!

Now it's our turn to put together items for a time capsule. What do you think people 25, 50, 100 years in the future would find interesting? It would be cool to put together a dvd of the events throughout the past year, but then how could we be sure that there would be a functioning dvd player in the future? Just look at how quickly technology has changed in the past 10 years! It's beginning to get difficult to find a computer that'll even accept a 3.5" floppy, much less one of the old 5.25" floppies! And we really do want our future cornerstone openers to be able to see what we've put in the box! So..........it's back to good old reliable low-tech for us - newspapers, photos, mementos from our big celebration in 2005, a Then and Now cookbook, a copy of our history to date (as if we could predict the future!), Rita stories, and ..... well, we haven't quite figured out what all the and should be.

Whatever we put in our time capsule, I'm hoping it'll tell our story in ways that intrigue. I'm still wondering why our predecessors put 2 American coins, 2 Mexican coins, and 2 German coins in their time capsule. We're planning on explaining anything like that for our future openers.

Anyone have any suggestions for a symbol representative of Beaumont? We've not gotten that figured out yet. Our predecessors put in a new kind of inkpen, sort of a modified fountain pen, which was only being made in Beaumont at the time. What do you think would work?! It can't be too big because the hole in the wall where the time capsule will go is a tight fit. I'm looking forward to hearing any suggestions!

Reeee-Treat

Just got back from the annual Clergy Retreat. Quite a nice break! Every year after Easter, the presbytery sponsors a three-day respite at our presbytery camp and conference center. The agenda? Relaxation, fun, and food!

Usually there's a speaker or two - the comedy kind. This year we met Hank the Cowdog, Chief of Ranch Security (or his creator, that is, John Erickson), Warren and Junior the buzzards, Sally Mae, and Rip and Snort the local coyotes. We were regaled with Hank stories and buzzard and coyote songs. Hank reminds me of my canine friend Penny as she attempts to skulk her way to swiping my sandwich. I never realized that the books were originally written for adults, not children. My last encounter with Hank was on Reading Rainbow while watching with my then elementary aged son. Doesn't matter. Chuckles abounded! Laughter is good medicine!

So are ping-pong and massages. I've not played ping-pong in years and had a hilarious time yesterday afternoon. Gotta find a regular ping-pong partner just to keep my hand in! It's one of those fun things that I'd forgotten about. As to the massage - well..... let's just say that it's another thing I need to do regularly. I'm actually feeling recharged and ready to move onto the next thing - the wrap-up of our 125th Anniversary!

Then again, maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a few more minutes for rest and relaxation. Now, let's see. What's Hank up to now? Watchout! There's a fishhook in that liver! *slurp*

A "John Denver" mood

I'm in a "John Denver" mood. Let me explain.

One of the bravest things I did after my divorce (when I was a chicken extraordinaire) was to get into my car one lonely Saturday while my son was at his dad's and drive off aimlessly. Now you have to understand that I am directionally-challenged to the max. Can't find my way out of a paper bag, and all that. So driving away from home and heading for wherever I felt drawn without a map or explicit directions was a leap of faith for me. As you might guess by the fact I'm writing this, I made it home intact. The key to the experience? Singing my heart out to John Denver as I drove through the beautiful Austin hill country.

Over the years, driving aimlessly and John Denver music have been essential to my sanity.

As my previous call was beginning its slow disintegration into dust, I was preparing with fear and trembling for that evening's meeting with the church's session and some presbytery representatives who were coming to help us make some decisions in this troubled time. One of the things I did not want to do was break into a puddle of goo at the meeting. Yet I was afraid that that was exactly what might happen.

Fed up with everything, I got into my car and began to drive in the general direction of the nearby Ouachita Mountains, with a John Denver CD randomly stuck into the player.

A couple of months earlier, I had discovered the joys of the online community through chat rooms, and had selected SingingSkies as my screenname from Denver's "Singing Skies and Dancing Waters", which I had only recently heard for the first time.

Not far outside of town, but into the lowest foothills, guess what song began to play. ... Right! I'm semi-mindlessly singing along when I get to the second refrain - "I am with you in singing skies ..." Whoa! That's ME! I was thunder-struck. I quit singing and began to listen closely to the words.

The third verse begins. "If my faith should falter, and I should forsake you, and find myself turning away, will you still be there? Will you still be there?" (oh, my! just exactly what I was thinking) And the answer? "I'll be with you in singing skies and dancing waters, laughing children, growing old, and in the heart and in the spirit and in the truth when it is told!" Amazing! Just exactly the message I needed at that particular moment. And with that message held close to my heart, I made it through that difficult meeting in a state of nonanxious presence, clear that I was valued and not alone, in spite of what the 'loyal opposition' would have liked me to believe.

So .... I'm in a "John Denver" mood today. Not that anything's going wrong, or I'm in a bad place emotionally, or anything negative. Yet driving aimlessly while listening to John Denver music is not economically nor ecologically wise stewardship (and I suspect it would be a dishonor to Denver's legacy of environmentalism). Plus, I've discovered that it always seems to work best when there's something other than flat around. *sigh* Guess I'm gonna have to improvise. Wish me luck!

With a Song in my Head and a...

I've a song stuck in my head. Not that I'm complaining - I like the song. It's our Easter anthem, well a couple of lines of it at any rate.

The piece has a Celtic rhythm to it and a wonderful, lively, moving forward kind of pace. Even though our only accompaniment was piano, I can hear an Irish flautist (or flutist - but I just love the way the first first word feels and sounds!) adding a lilt here and there, running through the melody in joyous counterpoint. You wouldn't be able to hear them in our sanctuary (too much carpet), but my mind envisions a troupe of Irish step-dancers "River Dance"-ing through the room with great energy and life, filling it with excitement. Glorious music! Wonderful words! Musical awe!

And the part where I remember all the words says, "Death has died. Christ is risen from the dead!" Yeah! That's a song worth keeping in one's head for a while. Now, let's see. Where was I? Oh, yeah! dum-dum-dum-dah-da-dum. Death has died. Christ is risen from the dead!

... And We Wait

I just got back from our Paschal Vigil. It's a new service for us, our second year. We don't do the whole whistles and bells - the tradition it comes from starts late in the evening and lasts until after midnight, so the service spans the story of our faith from creation to resurrection and includes reaffirmation of baptism and a celebration of communion.

Since we start ours at about 6pm and will be finished long before midnight, we do the service up through the reaffirmation of baptism ... and we wait, leaving the darkened, black-draped sanctuary in silence. Christ is not yet risen in the context of Holy Week, so we honor the waiting of the disciples in despair at the loss of their beloved Lord.

My first Paschal Vigil was at the seminary before I began to attend. It was a powerful experience and spoke deeply to my soul. Westminster is the first congregation I've been in willing to step out on a limb and venture its own vigil. Last year was learning curve.

This year ........ powerful and healing.

We used last year's service in its entirety: lighting of new fire, following the Christ candle into the sanctuary, hearing our 'family story' in the words of the Old Testament intermingled with silent meditation, a verse of Were You There, and prayer, reaffirmation of baptism.

As each scripture was read, I couldn't help but notice how they spoke to the past six months. The creation story reminded me that God created and declared all of creation good. The Exodus story brought me safely through the storm - an assurance that God is with me through the difficult times, including my current wilderness wandering and journey toward a promised land of restored home. The Ezekiel 'dry bones' story spoke to my despair and sense that life is 'dry' by affirming that God can breathe life into what seems lifeless (even if it occurs in life beyond life). And good old Zephaniah carries a promise of restoration. Hope and healing.

It's always awesome when I can actually worship myself while leading a special worship service. For it to speak to me so deeply, is a miracle. So ..... now we wait .................

HUH?!!?

There's a full-page ad in the Chronicle's Religion section today which has the word "HE" and scripture reference after scripture reference, noting who said it, when it was said, and (for Old Testament references) when it was fulfilled in Jesus. The last scripture reference is from John 10:35 - "The Scripture cannot be broken" (NJKV, probably). At the bottom is the group's url.

OK - They succeeded. They got me to look, but only because of a professional interest in the topic. I thoroughly despise proof-texting! Occasionally guilty of it myself, but it's more of a counter-proof-texting than anything. I still try vigorously to avoid it.

As you might guess, it's that quoted reference which blew my gasket - completely taken out of context and only a fragment of the scripture at best. At this point in John, Jesus is telling off the temple Jews who were planning to stone him right there on Solomon's Porch. Here's what Jesus says: "Is it not written in your Law, 'I have said you are gods'? If he called them 'gods,' to whom the word of God came--and the Scripture cannot be broken-- what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, 'I am God's Son'? " (John 10:35-37, NKJV)

The Bible wasn't written in King James' English!! Nor any form of English, for that matter, so stuff, nuances, literal interpretations, get lost in the translation. We do our bumbling best at interpreting what words with multiple definitions might mean in their particular context and culture at the time they were written.

When I have a few extra minutes, I enjoy digging around in what we have of the original languages (even the Greek and Hebrew texts didn't come down to us perfectly - in spite of what some people think. There were humans involved in the process, after all, and we ain't perfect!). I don't really have a few extra minutes today, but took them anyway.

First stop - other English translations. Lo! and behold! There are all sorts of other possibilities. "The scripture cannot be annulled"(NRSV) is one of them.

Second stop - the handy-dandy KJV with Strong's lexicon (tells you which Greek word was being used at that particular point - it can make a difference). The Greek word which shows up as 'broken' above is actually closest to the English word 'loose' - as in to untie or set free something.

Puts a whole different twist on it, once you get the entire context of the scripture. To me, Jesus is saying something like, "OK. In your own texts (not the Torah, btw, but your Wisdom literature, the Psalms), God is calling you gods, and you can't change what's written, so why are you so bent out of shape over me claiming essentially the same thing?"

Another twist is that Jesus calls it "your Law", not God's law. Just seems to me that Jesus was attempting a healthy debate with the biblical literalists, and trying to open closed ears. It certainly doesn't seem to me to be warrant for biblical inerrancy for whatever translation you happen to be using and whatever texts you choose to pluck out of the whole. *sigh*

Shoot! Even the "original" Hebrew texts may not be quite what we think they are! The Hebrew text was initially transmitted by word of mouth. How many times have you played "Gossip", only to discover that the original sentence was nowhere near what came out at the other end? And in its first written forms, Hebrew didn't even use vowels. The consonants were there to ensure the text didn't degrade further. They only went back and added vowel points when someone noticed that Person A wasn't quoting the text quite the same as Person B (maybe the Southern accent clashed with the New England twang?), and in Hebrew an 'a' or an' e' can make a whole lot of differece in the meaning of the word. To me, the miracle is that the words have traveled so well over the years. Have you ever seen vowel points? It wouldn't take much to add an extra dot or smear a line and change one vowel to another!

Anyway ... guess that rant's run down for today. I know I won't change those who buy into the theology of the group that ran the ad. I also don't see them changing me anytime soon. What I believe, however, is that God, through Christ, is big enough for all of us and loves us dearly in spite of all our human foibles. And that's a message worth preaching!

Stained Glass and Smilies

I wasn't sure we'd ever get this far, but our big stained glass window should be fixed in time for Easter! Won't that be glorious? It's the one I get to look at during worship each Sunday - Jesus Knocks. (Well, I can see all three, but this is the one which 'stares me in the face') Even bowed, it's a beautiful window, but it doesn't catch the light the way it did. So I can't wait (even though I know I must) to see it back in place this Sunday.

Our repair guy has a sense of humor. We started off with plastic taped over the gaping hole the window came out of, but the tape didn't stick. Visions of birds fluttering around in the sanctuary (and the resulting splats) led to a semi-frantic phone call and additional tape. When that wasn't a successful solution, a large piece of plywood was used to cover the hole. Yesterday, he must have started the painting portion of the job, for our plywood now boasts a huge smiley face on it in primer!

I'm going to try to put the picture up here. However, I have a huge dash of 'computer idiot' in my dna, so this may not work at all! I took the picture on my cellphone, and have accidentally sent it to the service provider's online site instead of my email. So I'm off to a good start! *chuckle* Now all I've gotta do is figure out how to post it here! Wish me luck!!

I Am

Felt like posting something, but no topic came to mind. Then this pre-seminary poem came up and tugged at my sleeve. So here it is--

I Am

I’m a woman, a mother, a poet, a dreamer;
A song and a hope and a prayer.
I’m a quiet, a calmness,
A silence surrounding;
A whisper that’s almost not there.

I’m a smile and a laugh
And a soul freely winging,
A glance and a secret that’s shared.
I’m a touch, a caress,
And a lullaby singing;
A friend when there’s no one else there.

I’m a tear and a sigh
And a wave of goodbye.
I’m a ghost of a sorrow once known.
I’m a question, an answer;
A searching, a finding;
A puzzle, a probing, a plan.

I’m a faith in a love of my Father Above.
A promise.
Alleluia!
Amen.

(Yes, it's copyrighted. An interesting dilemma, though, if I put the copyright info at the bottom of this, you've got my full name and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that kind of online visibility. Vulnerable and safe take on different dimensions in this context. hmmmmmmmm)

Displaced Person

After Katrina blew through the Gulf Coast, there was a big ruckus over the correct term to use for those who had fled the storm. While refugee makes sense to me (as in seeking 'refuge from the storm'), it didn't go down well with those who had indeed sought refuge from the storm. And it seems that the dictionary backs them up. In contemporary usage, at least, the word generally applies to those who are fleeing persecution, and that wasn't the case here.

So - we move on to evacuee. Ok ... accurate description for many. They evacuated their homes and hometowns, or were evacuated from their communities in the aftermath. Since that is their chosen term to describe themselves, I can't quibble with it. For them it fits.

But it doesn't work for me. Oddly enough, I didn't evacuate. I was already out of town when the storm-which-shall-not-be named sent people scrambling. I haven't been kept from living in my community due to the devastation. Yet I am not home.

I am a displaced person.

I am currently living in a house about two miles from the place I called home before the storm. It is not my home, and will not be my home. I am blessed with a place to stay, to housesit, while my own house is being repaired. But it is not my furniture that I sit and sleep on, nor my pictures on the walls. My clothes, for the most part, still reside in suitcases. It is not home.

And I cannot call my house my home, either. It is an alien and unwelcoming place right now. I literally cannot tolerate spending more than a few minutes within its walls. Even my belongings within the house are displaced. Yes, there are some things which are where they belong - it's really hard to displace a waterbed! But there is so much which has been moved to garage and floors of other rooms that what one experiences is chaos and jumble. Then there's the barrenness of the rooms which have been stripped of everything in anticipation of restoration to wholeness.

My head says that I'm much better off than so many others. And it's true. However, my heart experiences the emptiness of not being home. Even my family is displaced. My son is at college (well, this would have been true storm or not). My dog is living with me. She would have pined too much to be separated for so long. My cat is staying at my mom's in Houston. You just don't move cats around willy-nilly, and she's already a bit of a psychokat as it is.

My longing is for 'home', that place where one is surrounded by the familiar and memories and belonging (even if it's not the place where one has lived throughout a lifetime), that corner of the world which is suffused with one's identity. But at the moment I have none.

Awesome Rose!

What an awesome young lady! Rose on Black. White., that is. There are six people living in that house and I think she's the only one who's truly beginning to 'get it'.

On last night's show, she sat talking with her mom and basically (because I can't remember verbatim) said, "I can put on the makeup and experience the stares and the slights, but I cannot truly be black because I was not raised in that culture. I am not black. I do not carry within me the centuries of oppression and slavery which is a part of their culture. And they cannot put on makeup and truly become white because they were not raised white." She recognizes that there may be a barrier there that cannot be overcome ... and truly respects and is awed by what she has learned, and manages to hear, truly hear, when her stereotypes are challenged, so that her understanding is broadened.

One of the African-American teens pointed out to Rose that some of her cultural expectations regarding an innate family-ship among those of African descent were built on expecting all blacks, regardless of background, to feel that same kinship and rootedness in the African culture. She told Rose that she grew up in this country and her family came from slave roots, but that she was completely disconnected from the African aspect of her background. Rose is beginning to understand that it isn't just skin color which determines one's cultural understanding. Watching Rose grow has been the most truly fascinating part of this six-week show.

I'm not sure if it's the way the producers have cut the rest of the footage, but I've gotten frustrated with the rest of the people in the show. Well, I probably oughta give Carmen a bit of a break - she is at least recognizing that life in the other culture does have strictures that she wasn't truly aware of earlier. There has been a subtle shift in the focus of the Spark family. Now it is not so much about how they experience being white, but on how Nick is not culturally aware of his blackness and on teaching the others in the show what being African-American is about.

The interesting thing is that I think Nick may be struggling with his identity, regardless of culture, and simply trying to find a place where he fits in. It's only after he reveals that he's really black, not white, that he encourages the rest of his etiquette class to use the N-word. And truly doesn't seem to understand one of the girl's discomfort and objection to its usage, even though she's white and even though she's been given permission by an African-American to use the word. My guess is that Nick slipped back into some subconscious cultural expectations - whites expect blacks to use the N-word and feel comfortable about it - and put on the role when he was faced with the experience.

I guess I'm just going to slog on through until the end, if only to see if Rose has any impact on the rest of the participants.

Hurricane Recovery 101

I wonder if anyone's ever thought of writing a "Hurricane Recovery for Dummies" or "Idiot's Guide to Hurricane Recovery" book. It seems the longer recovery is happening, the more I learn I need to know. The book could have more than just the usual 'how to find a reputable contractor' section that you find in the newspapers after catastrophe strikes. Here're some of the others that mine would have:

Speaking in Tongues - It seems that all of the sudden I'm supposed to be proficient in the language of insurance, mortgage, contractor, and FEMAese. I'm an intelligent person and am having a difficult time speaking just plain English! These arcane tongues require experts!

Interpreting Insurance Adjuster Estimates - Part of it goes back to Speaking in Tongues, but trying to piece together one's damaged home while looking at one of those estimates is enough to give the uninformed a headache. For example, one part of my estimate says 'apply microbial agent'. Now I'm sort of sure the guy doesn't mean Kilz, because he mentions that by name later in the estimate. So just what the heck is he talking about, where do I get it, or who do I get to apply it? Mysteries!

The Art of the Mediator - suggestions on how to get the insurance company to actually speak directly to the contractor who's doing the work and insists that it costs a whole heck of a lot more than the insurance company says they're now willing to pay. The insurance company says they can't be involved in disputes with contractors, even though it's the insuracne company who approves how much gets paid and is (with replacement cost insurance) footing the whole shebang! It takes delicate work (and the willingness to look like an absolute idiot) to actually get both parties in the same room to talk.

Locating Collateral Damage for the Untrained Eye - It's amazing to me that I've now had two! (count them - 1 .... 2) insurance adjusters in my home for the sole purpose of locating damage which occurred as a result of a tree crashing through my roof during a hurricane and neither one found what I happened to notice this weekend. While standing in one of the rooms next to where the tree came in, I happened to look near the ceiling and noticed that the nails which hold the sheetrock to the studs are protruding about 1/8th to 1/4 of an inch from the wall. Is this significant structural damage which must be repaired before I go further? Or can I just tap those suckers back in and have someone do some cosmetic surgery where the now visible nails are? I don't know! And there are other things I've found as time has gone by. It would be helpful to know what to look for and where to look for it, rather than counting on happenstance to notice that the ornamental ironwork at the opposite end of the house from the tree incursion has shifted about 1/2 inch and, lo! and behold!, at least one of the bricks on the house is now loose.

Creating Debris Sculptures and Other Recycling Ideas - Some handy-dandy suggestions for what to do with some of the mountain of stuff which is now sitting in your living room floor or on your bed. Who knew that so much could come out of such a contained space? There have got to be some creative ideas for it beyond putting it in the landfill for archeologists to drool over in centuries to come.

The Plants Are Dying. Is This Normal? - Actually, this one is for people who are more plant oriented than I am. I have the proverbial black thumb, but thought there might be some things that gardener types would find useful.

NO! You Aren't Just Imagining Things - Well, there probably could be a better name for this one, but I can't think of it at the moment. In fact, that's one of the normal things which seem to happen in the aftermath of a traumatic event - not being able to think quite as well as usual. An all-purpose Hurricane Recovery book would have to include a section on the personal process of grieving and recovering after the storm. So many people don't know that some of the mental, physicial, and spiritual weirdnesses which are happening to them may be (and probably are at least for a period of time) normal parts of recovering from such a traumatic event. I still find myself caught in the cycle of grieving, especially since I'm not back in my home yet. If it's difficult for me (and I do have a home I can return to eventually, and resources to help me get there), imagine how difficult it is for those who can't return home or don't have resources.

Of course, there need to be chapters on dealing with landlords who raise rents or won't do repairs, how to find ........ whatever (advocacy resources, assistance resources when you can't do it yourself or don't have insurance, etc.), AND celebrating when something resembling a normal life finally gets put back together!

I'd try to tackle it, but I'm in the middle of this right now and don't have time to research all the angles! Maybe you'll take a bite at this apple?

Monday Monday

Looks like it's going to be longer before I get back home. The church group that was going to finish my interior work now that my roof's fixed isn't going to be able to do it. I was afraid that might happen after my roof repair put things on hold. Talk about a depressing turn of events! Absolutely ruined my Monday. (I know. I know. Mondays are supposed to be lousy. But Mondays are my day off, so they're usually not bad.)

Now I've gotta find someone to do the interior work (walls, ceilings, painting ... well, I can do some of that, but a crew would be helpful ... baseboards, wallpapering ... that I'm absolutely no good at! *chuckle* ...). Haven't quite figured out when I'm going to add that task to the already full plate I have. Things crank up big time between now and my son's graduation. I think I'll be meeting myself coming and going - and it looks like that won't be happening at my home anytime soon. *very big sigh*

I'm definitely in morose-mode today. You know, good stuff actually has been happening recently. My son came down and visited this weekend. It was really good to see him! He didn't even get lost on the way down, which is quite an accomplishment for him! (He unfortunately inherited my directional disability.) He's become quite an awesome young man. Wish he could have stayed a couple of days longer, but classes were calling.

We had a really good turnout for the launch of the Coalition for Mutual Respect here in the Golden Triangle. Building interfaith relationships is something our congregation wants to be involved in, and I think that's really cool! It was wonderful to be a part of selecting the leadership for our denomination's General Assembly this June. I learned a lot and hope that I was helpful in the process. Our church has a new choir director/accompanist, who's a really good musician. He started last Sunday and everyone was thrilled. It'll be wonderful to have the organ played by someone who's specialty is organ performance each week. Easter oughta be awesome!

Now if I can just hang onto the up part of this!

Of Washers and Racism

I finally found the trick to making the washer where I'm staying run through the entire cycle! Minor accomplishment, but you don't know how good that makes me feel this morning. *chuckle* Up until this morning, the machine's stopped after agitating for a while and then I've had to run the dial around, popping it in and out at various spots, to get it to rinse and then get it it spin. Frustrating! So.... what do you have to do to keep it working through the cycle? Why take your fist and whop it on the lid twice! *sigh* And to think it was so completely simple.

Well, the day is off to a good start, so now all I have to do is climb a couple of mountains of stuff to get done, write my article for the newsletter, pay bills (yuck!), attend a meeting, and go to the grocery store (to put it mildly my cupboard has gone bare!). Mundane stuff, I know, but it's part of life.

I'm still watching Black. White. I'll admit it. I think I'm hooked on this one. About the time I decide it's a waste of time, someone does or says something which intrigues me. We finally got to see a bit more of the son this week. In some ways, he plays to the stereotype of the teen African-American (and I realize that this isn't only a black phenomenon) - there's a bit of the gang wannabe about him; rap music; if he wants something and has the money, he buys it, even if it wipes him out financially; he's been expelled from school and doesn't see any reason for working on his GED or trying to go to college or get a job (which is interesting because both of his parents are college educated and work).

I am intrigued by the fact that he truly doesn't see any racism directed toward him, or others, for that matter. He isn't hyper-vigilant for behavior that singles him out because of his race. The fact that he doesn'tsee it really bothers his dad a lot! In fact, his father feels he's failed as a father for not teaching his son these things. Which raises some questions for me - Does one have to be hyper-vigilant in order to root out racism? Or do we eliminate racism by becoming color-blind? Or does being color-blind simply ignore the problem and 'hope it goes away'? In some respects, he's like Bruno (the white adult) who believes that racism doesn't truly exist, but it's a matter of treating each other with respect. (Nothing wrong about that last part, unfortunately, I don't think we've gotten past the racism yet.) The next question becomes "how do we get everyone to treat each other with respect?"

When I was in Idabel, the community went through a planning process to develop some goals to help both the schools and community grow. One of the things which seemed to irritate the youth was that the adults seemed focused on racial issues, while they were focused on issues related more to equality in terms of economics. For them, it didn't matter what color your skin was (and this community has some interesting history related to African-Americans being brought to the area as Native American slaves). It mattered more that there were people who were hungry, living in families where alcoholism and domestic violence were everyday experiences, who didn't have much to hope for in terms of opportuniies for improvement (at least as seen from their perspectives).

Maybe they're right. Maybe it's time for us to look beyond the old patterns of discrimination and realize that the economic divide is a greater gap, and one that's probably a bit harder to leap if you're on the lower end of the payscale. Not impossible, mind you, but definitely filled with more hurdles to jump. I applaud those youth who were (and are) concerned that each of their peers be treated as equals! Isn't this a reminder that 'a little child shall lead them'? They don't have to be so little to teach us a thing or two, do they?

Discombobulated

Indicative of my state of mind at the moment, I've started this about six times and deleted it each time. The ideas and topics have changed each time. There currently is no focus in my life, except getting through the day more or less intact. I've had times when I've been discombobulated before, but I don't think it's ever been quite like this. Really strange!

For one thing, I'm still dislocated. My home is getting closer to moving back into, but it's still going to be a while. I would never have believed how disorienting such a situation is. The rational (no, not rational, because I'm not irrational. Let's say instead 'the empathetic') part of me thinks, "If you're feeling dislocated, think how those who have no homes to go back to feel!" Yet, I am in the here and now in my life, so feeling somewhat like a ship without an anchor is not unreasonable. It's frustrating to want something which you know is in just-and-such a place in your home, but your home is 2-3 miles away from where you are living. And everything where you are living is in just a temporary location. Most of my clothes are still in suitcases! There's my stuff here, but nothing seems to have a home (if you get my drift).

Much is going on at the church. It's Lent, so getting things ready for Holy Week and Easter are enough to keep anyone busy. We're also in transition on our Choir Director/Accompanist position. Our interim's last Sunday is tomorrow. Our new one starts on Wednesday. Good things happening in the long run, but the transition time itself makes for shaky feelings and experiences.

Tomorrow afternoon I head out to see the national church at work, and participate in it! On Monday, we're selecting the moderators and vice moderators of the GA committees for our June meeting. I've never been a part of this before, so it'll be interesting to see how this works. When I graduated from seminary, I would have never believed I'd be doing things at the national level! *chuckle* Guess I've done a bit of growing since then!

Let's see. What else has happened this week? My son was supposed to come in during spring break, but had car trouble and had to bail. He's going to try to get in next week. I was really hoping to see him, though, so that's been a disappointment. I've wrangled with the postal service and won! I found out that the water leak(s) happen to be above ground, so we don't have to break into the foundation to fix them. Whew! Have a volunteer group coming in on 4/1, so I've gotta make some decisions about paint colors and wallpaper before then. My computer crashed and I've had all sorts of trouble with reformatting the hard drive and getting things up and running. I think it's about time for a new computer. *sigh*

I watched Black. White. and still feel ambivalent about that show. I'm having difficulty sorting out what behavior is resulting from the interracial interaction and what is just plain the personalities of the people involved. Truth is, I think the teens are probably getting the most out of the experience, and I wish they'd focus on the son for a while. In the two episodes I've watched, he's only had a bit part. I'm curious as to what's going through his mind. The parents seem to be involved in a tug-of-war as to who is getting the whole thing right, and I'm not sure there isn't some social sabotage happening there as well. The kids are being honest about their experiences, though, and I think that's of value.

When I look back over the past week, and what's to come ahead, I think I'm just drained and need some time to recharge - head off to the middle of nowhere for 2-3 days and just soak in some 'me time'. Wonder if Mo-Ranch has a room where I can vegetate and wander the hill country for a few days? Of course, when I'm going to manage to carve that out is a mystery to me at the moment. *very deep sigh* guess what! Pastors are human after all! *chuckle*

Jury's Still Out

On Black. White. that is. I wonder what would have happened if Bruno and Carmen had been dropped into Beaumont society in their black personas. Bruno's certainly not "getting it" when it comes to his observations of how the African-American community often gets treated by the majority culture. His goal seems to be to show his counterparts the 'better way' to deal with the racism they've experienced throughout their lifetimes. He's just waiting for someone to use the n-word, so he can be a role-model. How condescending?! !!! (You can tell I'm not impressed by Bruno?) Carmen also seemed to be stuck in expecting certain stereotypical behavior. To me, both ended up looking like fools.

I was intrigued by the observation Brian made that whites are more curious than blacks. At some level, that too is probably a stereotype; however, several of the staff at the children's center seemed to affirm that observation. We had what is now an amusing experience at the church. We have long suspected that someone has found a place to live inside our huge 3-story building, and those suspicions seemed to be confirmed by some apparent door-slamming noises on the 2nd floor.

My secretary and one of the child care workers were upstairs at the time. Both vacated the premises fairly quickly. My secretary, who is white, wanted to find out what was going on. The child care worker, who is black, didn't care about the why, she just wanted to be safe. (Not a bad desire, btw) Ironically, the show Black. White. and this observation came up in the discussion of this incident. The varying reactions to the mysterious encounter were lifted up as culturally typical. So I wonder what led to the lack of curiosity (although I can probably guess) and how it ultimately affects the black culture in its continuing endeavor to break down the barriers to advancement.

The other two things which stick out in my mind about the first episode were: Brian buying shoes at the golf course in his 'white' persona and being astonished that the salesman actually took his shoe off his foot and put the new one on for him with a shoehorn. Intellectually, unfortunately, the fact that no shoe salesman had ever done that for him in his lifetime was not a surprise to me. What saddened me is that, even in California (which is supposed to be a racially progressive state - talk about stereotypes!), such petty slights still exist between the races.

The second thing which stands out was how sensitive the teenage daughter Rose was to the situation. You could tell she has great respect for her counterparts and the experiences they've had, and doesn't want to betray them in any way. I think she was really wrestling with the moral issue of being white while passing herself off as black. Kudos to Rose!

Guess I'm gonna have to watch next week and see where it goes from here!

P.S. The 'mysterious visitor' happened to be a door which had come loose in the mechanical room and was randomly banging because of pressure shifts in the a/c system and the wild winds we were having that day. No ghosts! Nobody seeking a safe place to stay! Just a door. *chuckle*

Black. White.

Ok - just to make things clear from the beginning - I don't like reality shows! Now that that prejudice has been stated, let me go on to say that I have found redeeming value in Amish in the City and Beauty and the Geek, and just plain guilty pleasure in Project Runway. So here I sit on the edge of what's being called a documentary/reality show - Black. White. And I can't decide whether to plunge in and watch or not.

I watched Amish in the City initially to (truthfully) satisfy my own curiosity about whether the Amish youth in the show were treated with respect for their faith ... and found that it was the non-Amish on the show who subjected themselves to ridicule. In many respects this was a documentary where each learned something about the culture of the other, if they were willing to put aside some of their own prejudices. More of a documentary than a reality-show competition, I think much learning was done on both sides of the equation.

Beauty and the Geek was the opportunity to learn that there was more to beauty and more to geekiness than meets the eye. I suspect that each went away with more self-respect than they arrived with. My main problem with the show was the elimination of contestants aspect to it.

Project Runway - well, I got hooked on an evening when there wasn't anything else I wanted to watch on tv, and I was intrigued by the challenge of designing a party outfit just from what one could find at a supermarket. I could have done without the varying antics, but the creativity involved in the show kept me watching until the end (and I still wouldn't have chosen the guy who won!).

Now I'm faced with the ambivalence of Black. White. I believe we learn much when we walk in the shoes of another (if that's truly possible in a situation like this). I also believe racism is still a major stumbling block today. So - is it truly possible to put on the skin of someone from another racial/ethnic background for six weeks and get to what it really means to be black or white? How could I, as a white woman, completely carry the weight of a lifetime's black experience, knowing that the timeframe for the experiment is only six weeks? Would anyone truly be able to put aside one's personal history and experience in such a setting? No matter how liberal I believe myself to be, I'm not sure I could let go of the preconceptions I carry enough to let the experience truly sink in.

So, should I give in to what may be a superficial experience of another's culture and history and watch? I probably will, at least for one episode. It's a grand experiment, and maybe something of value may be learned from it. We'll just have to wait and see.

Us vs.Them?

"There's nothing wrong with the Olympics. It becomes more and more important (to U.S. audiences) how the Americans do at the Olympics and how they carry themselves. It's more important now than ever before because there is no more natural 'us' against 'them'." Dick Ebersol, NBC Sports and Olympics chair

OK - why does it have to be 'us' vs 'them? Is he so sure that that's why Americans watch the Olympics? He may be right in some respects, but based on the fact that people tended to tune in for their particular premier sports and tune out for those they weren't interested in (or already knew the outcome of), I'd say that's not the whole picture.

That's certainly not what my understanding of the Olympics is. For me, if I had decided to watch this year, it would have been to see competitors from around the globe gathering to give their best to their sport and watching the best athletes win. I don't care if the Americans or Armenians were the ones to bring home umpty-gazillion medals. The 'us vs them' mentality is part of what causes so much trouble in so many other venues, adding 'us against the world' in sports is ultimately a defeatist position. As I understand the Olympics, it was intended to be a time when we put aside our nationalistic differences and just plain enjoyed competing and watching for the glory of atheletic achievement. To live up to the Olympic ideals, which each of the competitors attest to, would be to have each athlete give his/her best and let the sport itself decide who's worthy of standing on the winner's podium.

It'll never happen, but just once I'd like to see an Olympics where the winners stand up to accept their medals and the only music played would be whatever the Olympic theme happens to be for that year. No national flags dramatically and slowly raised to the playing of national anthems. Just the Olympic 5-ring flag soaring overhead. If we ever reach that point, I think we would finally have attained something of great value in the Olympics.

Glorious Day!!

Much good stuff happening today! I got the official word that my roof is functional and not about to collapse on me. I was beginning to think that day would only come with much prayer, fasting, and tearing out of hair! Having at least some sense of how to go about getting the contractor to do the work correctly was helpful. I still feel sorry for those who don't know how to work the system to get things done.

Now I've gotta get the HVAC checked out (and some minor work done) and I'll have reached the point where my volunteer crews can come in and do the interior work and painting that needs to happen. It's nice to be adopted by a couple of churches to get things done. I feel very blessed!

And This morning we started our Sister Church relationship w/First, Conroe. A whole crew of them came down and provided worship for us, followed by lunch - provided by them! It was such a nurturing service! It was the first Sunday in almost 5 months that I've not been stressed out. I had things to do, but no real pressure in any of it. And the congregation was thrilled! They had a wonderful time - new people to tell their 'tree stories' to, and new relationships started. Good stuff!

What a wonderful end to the weekend!

Dark Ages A-Coming?

Well, I knew it was coming as soon as Alito was confirmed. The South Dakota legislature has passed a law banning all abortions, except if the life of the mother is in danger, and doctors performing them will be prosecuted ... and the governor's thinking of signing it! What is it about this issue? Do these people really want to go back to the days when abortions were done on the sly and more lives were lost and ruined as a result of the backroom procedures? *very big sigh* I just don't get it.

While I recognize that it will take time before the decision makes it to the Supreme Court, and a lot could happen along the way, it's just plain frustrating that we keep coming back to this. The decision to have an abortion is much more complex than "Oh, I don't want this baby, so I'll get an abortion." In an ideal world, it is a decision which should not be made alone, but the inability to have one if the woman determines it is necessary should not be made by legislative fiat ... and for many who have no transportation or limited income, that's what will happen in South Dakota.

In 2002, I was a Commissioner to the General Assembly where the PC(USA) revisited this issue, and served on the committee which gave the recommendation on the final report. Even within a denomination which is fairly liberal on many issues, this one generated intense discussion and had many who spoke against the grace-full language of the policy text. The final discussion on the floor of GA had a well-coordinated effort to vote down the grace-full language and insert language which was harsh, non-supportive, and declared abortion a sin. ACK!

I hate speaking in front of large groups (and there were over 1,000 people there - and, if I'd know there was also streaming video, I might have fled the room!) and there's just something slightly intimidating about speaking for the national governing body, but the issue was important enough to make me get up and speak. My fairly unique perspective was based on the experience of a skating friend of mine.

About 35 years ago, she and her husband had a severely disabled son, a child not expected to survive more than six months. He beat all of the odds and is now a 35 year old infant. They have cared for him in their home all this time, and love him dearly. Their one fear is that he will outlive them and have to go into an institution, for they don't want his younger brother to have to take over the day to day responsibility of his care. His mother said that if they'd been able to know what type of disability they might be dealing with before he was born, they would have chosen an abortion.

Of course, the Presbyterian Layman (the ultra-conservative voice of the church) chose to interpret my comments, which were written up in the GA daily news report, as advocating abortion for financial reasons, rather than the multi-layered compassionate reasons I intended.

The wisdom of the GA was that the harsh language was voted down, with about 2/3rds in favor of the grace-full language. The anti-abortion faction did not give up. The next GA the issue arose again, in mostly the same form, and again 2/3rds of the GA chose the grace-full language. Hooray, Presbyterians! The Holy Spirit seems to be consistently at work within the body of the GA ... and the majority seem to be heeding our understanding of our role as Commissioners - to listen for the guiding of the Spirit through the discussions held and then vote based on what they've discerned, not according to their preconceived opinions before the topic is addressed.

So - now we have to deal with the issue from the legislative and court perspective. I sincerely hope we don't return to the Dark Ages, but the way things are going, I'm not overly optimistic. There just seem to be too many people in positions of authority who seem determined to take us back there. *another very big sigh* ...... Let us pray!

It Shoulda Been in B!

I still don't understand why the Houston Chronicle puts Leonard Pitts, Jr's editorial column in the 'Star' section. Hard news and 'real' op-ed pieces go in Section B along with the other political pundits, don't they? HARUMPH!! Leonard Pitts belongs in Section B!!!!!

I just read his column in today's Chronicle and it's powerful, eye-opening stuff. That is, if you've been wearing blinders and need to take the darned things off. I've said all along that if we give in to the fear being generated about 9/11, then Al-Qaeda's won. The more freedom the average American is willing to give up, the more like Al-Qaeda we become. (I may get clobbered for saying that by some, but my fear is that unless more people stand up and say 'You, the government, have no right to ....', then that's where we're headed.) Their victory comes when we choose to let others make decisions for us and poke into our lives and tell us what we can and cannot do. It vindicates their own values when it comes to freedom to make decisions. If the Great Satan turns around and controls the thoughts and actions of its own citizens, then, of course, it was the right thing for the religious fundamentalists to do all along.

There is so much that technology can do in this day and age. When used in its most benign intentions, this is a good thing. Got lost? GPS assistance programs can help you find your way. (a really good thing for one directionally challenged like me!) Yet I refuse to get such a system because it can be so easily misused. I actually hated giving up my old, but less reliable, cellphone because of the locator components that are required to be installed in newer phones. The potential for abuse is too great. Not that I'm particularly likely to be targeted, but the whole Big Brother concept makes me quite uneasy. And there are so many other potential intrusions, if we do not take a stand and point out where our freedom is being so rapidly eroded.

That's why Pitts' column should have been on the op-ed page today, rather than buried in section E. It's scary stuff when, under the guise of 'Homeland Security', two officials can attempt to dictate what can and cannot be read in a public library. I'm not against putting library computers with access to internet porn in a place where children cannot have access, but, as distasteful and disgusting as I find porn to be, I cannot expect my own freedoms to be honored if I do not honor the rights of others. When it comes to porn, the place where it steps over the line is when adults and children are coerced (either economically or through force) and abused and harmed in the making of it. If adults voluntarily participate in its production, then that is the decision of consenting adults. I can choose whether to watch or not, and so can others.

It's also scary stuff when a newspaper relegates editorial commentary to the 'fluff' section. I'll admit that the comics have some powerful commentary on today's society, on both sides of the political equation. But it is often the case that people expect the real, hard-hitting commentary to be found in section B, and don't go looking for it elsewhere. Shame on you, Houston Chronicle! And hoorah!! Leonard Pitts, Jr for a well-written and powerful editorial!!!!!

Confession

Confession being good for the soul and all that - I have a confession to make: I'm not watching the Winter Olympics this year. Actually, this is kind of unusual for me. I generally watch at least the ice skating, but I just can't get into even that this year.

I think I'm hyped-out. I get so tired of the rah-rah, "we're the best ever", super-expectations for the competitors. While the super-patriotism which seems to rear its head about this time bugs me, I think I'm more irritated at the ultra-cockiness of the competitors, regardless of country. (Now this isn't true of all the competitors, of course, but there certainly are a significant number of them who are.) And, while a fitting comeuppance isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just have no desire to watch as competitors who are at the top of their game do stupid little 'watch me' stunts and then knock themselves right out of the competition.

I'm not sure I would have watched even if Michelle Kwan had been able to compete. I've known skaters like her for years. When I roller skated competitively, there was an absolutely awesome skater named April Allen. Let her step out onto the floor and the whole room was filled with excitement and energy! She brought grace, beauty, and athleticism to a sport which generally slipped over into the power jumping and spinning mode. At nationals, the arena would absolutely fill to the brim whenever she skated ... and empty almost as fast once she was done. That is, until the tv cameras showed up! When it was absolutely the right time for the world to see such an awesome skater, the charisma left the building.

The same is kind of true of Michelle Kwan when it comes to Olympic competition. Something seems to grab hold of her and the little mouse which sometimes hides within pops out. There is a caution in even the way she takes the ice. And I just decided that this year I'm not going to watch the magic leeched out of a sport I usually enjoy.

The incredible pressure we place on competitors is more than I can handle this year. It's been creeping up on me from Olympics to Olympics ever since they began to allow professionals to compete. (OK - I know that there were countries whose 'amateur' competitors were actually professional, but at least our competitors were in it for the true love of the sport, not the money.) We seem to expect more from those with the imprimatur of 'professional' after their name, or those who are accepting endorsements for this and that under the auspices of the Olympic competition. I'm not quite sure why, but that seems to take the magic out of the event for me.

So................don't ask me about the Olympics this year. I'm not watching!

Critters 'R Us

Gonna have fun this Saturday! We're doing a Blessing of the Animals and I'm so looking forward to it! I just love getting to do something new and creative for us. Of course, we aren't doing it at the 'traditional' time of year, but I didn't think we should wait that long.

It started when I noticed that my dog Penny was acting weirder than her usual run-of-the-mill weird. (My own run-of-the-mill weird isn't back to usual, so that's not completely unexpected.) When you get right down to it, she's in a strange place, since we're not living in our home, and her buddy the cat is still at my mom's in Houston, and everything else is topsy-turvy. We don't have a mail slot at our house, but she watches the one where we're staying very carefully day after day (even Sundays!). Over the last 2-3 weeks, she's begun biting the mail as it comes through the slot. It's encouraging to know that, if anyone ever decides to attack me through the mail slot, I'll be safe. *chuckle*

Then, I started hearing others talking about their pets (friends, companions, best buds - more than just an animal around the house), how many were dealing with various illnesses, how they had endured the evacuation along with their families or been left at home because no one expected things to get as bad as they did or were kenneled and cared for but conditions were not good, and how others were mourning the loss of pets after the storm. I got to thinking about the two firemen's dogs who stayed at the church after the storm, so they could be close to their family, safe and cared for.

It dawned on me that the animals who hold a special spot in our lives and their families might benefit from a special service recognizing what we have all been through together and what is still going on during our recovery. So, we're having a Blessing of the Animals on Saturday. People will be bringing their pets, or pictures if the travel would be too much for them or if their human companion wants to celebrate a beloved friend who's died. Haven't quite decided what all we'll do yet - but it'll be fairly short.

I did have to promise that I wouldn't bring the animals into the sanctuary (don't tell anyone, but Penny's been through on more than one occasion, but then she was the only dog present!). I haven't quite figured out what I'll do if someone brings a 'slither critter' on Saturday (that old Genesis thing about enmity may just kick in when you least? most? expect it!). Whatever the outcome, I'm planning on having a wonderful time!

Enliven a Dinosaur?

They (whoever 'they' is) say that laws and sausage are two things one should never see being made. I think I'd add a third - church politics. That's not a blanket condemnation of the work we do together to figure out what God is calling us to be and do, but we do tend to get pretty messy about it at times.

I spent most of last week as an observer/liaison to the General Assembly Council meeting, which is in itself an oddball position to be in. Much organizational change is on the horizon and it will affect the way Presbyterians go about their ministry in the future. On the one hand, I see much potential good in the change. It seems to me that the GA Council should be somewhat like the board of a non-profit: policy-making and visioning, not micromanaging, as it apparently has been. If the Council, in conjunction with the General Assembly itself, determines the direction, and the staff doesn't implement it, then we've got something to grouse about and can take corrective action.

On the other hand, I see us slipping back into the status quo of making changes which only the retired and/or wealthy can participate in (or pastors with very understanding congregations!). The most significant change is in the makeup of the Council itself - reducing the number of members (diluting its national representation?) and, initially, not even mentioning including those with disabilities (a group which is still too marginalized in almost any venue)! There was provision made that there be three representatives under the age of 35 (mind you - 18 to 35 is considered Youth and Young Adult). However, the meeting structure is going to remain the same: 3-4 weeklong meetings during the year.

Don't know about you, but I wouldn't have been able (or, quite frankly, willing) to give up all of my vacation time (and then some until I was past my mid-30's) to go to a bunch of cerebral meetings!!! My then-spouse wouldn't have been too happy about such an arrangement, either, since it would have meant losing out on our recreation time together AND at least two-weeks worth of lost income (that is, if I didn't lose my job entirely!). Yet the current decision-makers aren't willing or able to hear such a criticism of their 'great plan' from a woman who's obviously not in her 20's-30's; nor do they seem to be willing to look at changing the way they bring people together to make policy. BAH HUMBUG!!

I realize we're humans involved in the process here and that humans have a tendency to protect turf and pet projects. HOWEVER, we're supposed to be the capital C Church, where 'the last shall be first and the first shall be last'. harumph! That ain't a-happening here! At the moment, the last are being pushed aside and marginalized again. I get so tired of being told 'well, we can't find people of thus-n-such category to serve.' A base canard! There are those who are willing to serve!! I've sent scads of names to the Nominating Committee! Yet, none have been contacted, and little changes.

There are people who grouse that the PC(USA) doesn't have certain percentages of youth/young adults or disabled members (or several other possible categories as well), and that our leadership should reflect the percentages of membership. Yet, maybe if our denomination was open to allowing those groups who have long been denied a place at the leadership table even more representation, perhaps two things would happen: (1) the winds of the Spirit would change the way we interact with the world and make us more user-friendly and (2) more might be drawn to worship and commit to a denomination that was willing to welcome them and their ideas with open arms. Now wouldn't that be a cool way to enliven a mainline 'dinosaur'?!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Love!

Ahhhhhhhhh....February! Love is in the air! In fact, almost anywhere you turn there are cupids and hearts and red and pink. Commercials imply that unless you spend bucks on this candy or that jewelry or some special trip or restaurant or flowers, then you've missed the boat in showing that special someone you love them. And there's the annual ritual of sharing cards and gifts with family members and, occasionally, friends. Actually, there's nothing wrong in showing one's love in that way. However, I wonder what Jesus would say about our annual one-day celebration of love.

"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:44) "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second is this, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31) "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them." (Luke 6:32) "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:13)

Even Paul makes a point of saying, "And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13) Perhaps the closest we get to this ideal with any regularity is the expectation that all elementary school students bring a Valentine's card to every member of their class, whether friend or foe. It kind of makes one wonder if we've gotten the emphasis all wrong. Instead of a one-day celebration of love annually, perhaps we should be having a year-long celebration of love, and not with cards, candy, jewelry, or gifts.

If we were to truly embrace loving God and neighbor and enemy and self in our day to day living, what effect might Christians have on the whole of society? In general, we don't seem to have a lot of experience sustaining such love for great lengths of time. Only half tongue-in-cheek, since there are usually four weeks in any month, what if we spent one week per month focusing on loving God, one week on loving self, one week on loving neighbor, and one week on loving enemy? That would give us some experience before reaching that most difficult task of loving one's enemies!

As I write this, it's amazing how difficult such an endeavor suddenly seems. It reshapes the way I think about encounters with those who come to the office seeking food, shelter, gas, utilities assistance, etc. I begin to wonder just what IS the most loving thing to do in any situation. Could the way I respond determine whether that person finally experiences the love of God in their life? Or could the most loving thing be to encourage that person to seek assistance through resources that address the cause rather than the symptom of their difficulties, instead of providing for their specific request? It reshapes the way I look at strangers and those who look at the issues we wrestle with in ways different from mine and those who believe in a faith different from mine. It even reshapes the way I look at myself; for if I think of myself as better than others or as less than others, I am reminded that Jesus has placed us as equals. We are to love neighbors AS ourselves, not better or worse than ourselves.

Yet tackling the task of living out love of God, neighbor, enemy, self on a day-to-day basis is what I believe we are called to do. Of course, we won't be perfect at it. We're human afterall. But we can make a commitment to attempt this challenging task. And there are plenty of opportunities in our path - if we're willing to open our hearts to the possibilities.

[All Scripture references are from the New Revised Standard Version.]

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Well, it's been one of those weeks. *sigh* At least it's had some good in it!

Today, our congregation ordained and installed our third youth member on the Session! Now one-quarter of our Session is under the age of 20. What an awesome leap of faith!! Before last year's election, our congregation voted to have a position called Youth Elder - the only distinction between a Youth Elder and an Elder is the length of their terms. And then elected two of our youth to serve on the Session, one in a one year term, one in a standard three year term. So this year - our youth in a one year term was reelected to another one year term, and another youth has been elected to a three year term.

This congregation has a history of taking leaps of faith. I can't help but be excited by the continuing faith journey of a congregation willing to be the first Presbyterian church in the nation to call a woman to serve as associate pastor back in the 60's. And who helped to start several new congregations, including a couple of racial-ethnic congregations (one didn't make it, but I'm impressed that this group took the risk and tried). Now they've embraced the leadership potential of our youth and drawn them into the decision-making for the future of this congregation. WOOHOO!! Next month, one of our youth elders will be our elected commissioner with voice and vote to our presbytery meeting in Huntsville. These wonderful young people are the present and future of not only this congregation, but of an incredible witness to our faith in Jesus Christ. Who couldn't say this was THE GOOD?

OK - there have been other good moments in this week, but that one deserves all caps!

The bad - my roof is still in nasty shape, at least part of it is - the part where the tree came in. Well, it is covered and the rain no longer works its way into the house to cause potential problems. However, the rafter system where the tree came in is all fouled up. Some of the damage is storm damage that hasn't been addressed by either the insurance company nor the roofer. Some of it is stuff that's a result of the way the roofer did his work. FRUSTRATING!! And, of course, I can't move on to the next part of getting my house back together until the roof's fixed. And now that I have a roof covering the house, it's going to be harder to fix the section which isn't right yet. I'm still not living in my house. While blessed to have a good and safe place to stay, I really want to be back in my own home, with my own furniture and my own BED, right now! And that's bad, isn't it?

The ugly - the insurance company has said it's not going to do anything else on the roof. The roofer says that there're one-two things which he's going to fix, but the main problem, he won't work on because the insurance company didn't allocate enough funds to cover the cost of the repair. And I'm in the middle. I'm tired of 'he said, he said' conversations, where it's expected that I transmit the information from one group to another. I don't speak the lingo! I don't speak 'contractor'!! I don't speak 'insurance'!! HELP!!! The good news is that I have people in my congregation who can translate and are willing to help. But it gets me to thinking about all those others who may be in the same pickle, and who may not know how to evaluate the work that's been completed on their homes or may not be able to interpret what insurance adjusters and contractors are saying.

The insurance company says it can't be involved in a dispute with the roofer. My consulting engineer church member says that, yes, some of the problem was caused by the roofer, but some of the problem is damage that hasn't been addressed by anyone involved with the repairs. And I can't get both parties in the same room to discuss the issue, which means my house isn't having anything done to it. Since the insurance company is supposed to help get my house returned to a usable state, and they are the ones providing the funding, you'd think they would be willing to hear directly from the roofer what some of the needs are, rather than second-hand from someone who doesn't speak the lingo. I'm not expecting the insurance company to cover the costs which are the result of the roofer not doing his job right, but I am expecting both of them to work together to get my house back together. Maybe I'm just an optimist, but one can only hope.

I'm working on some leverage, and think I have some, yet I wonder about those who don't. Where do they go to get the help they need to resolve inadequate work and coverage issues? Who advocates for those who don't have the resources to hire an engineer or attorney or other expert to help in such situations? *sigh* Not only are they/we dealing with the disruption of the aftermath of the hurricane, but also are dealing with obstructions from those we are paying to help us get things back toward normal (either through insurance premiums or the cost of repairs). Insult to injury. The ugly, don't you think?

Synchronicity

From dictionary.com - Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related. And this past week has been filled with synchronicity.

On Thursday, what began as we returned from our Rita exile, continued with a meeting of the newly formed Southeast Texas Interfaith Organization for Disaster Recovery. For me, that one little/big word - Interfaith - makes it all worthwhile. We've got a ways to go. Interfaith is mostly interdenominational at the moment (and at that, it doesn't include all of the denominations), but even that's an accomplishment. We're working together to help homeowners who fall between the cracks of insurance and other assistance programs get their homes repaired and livable again. Guess you could say it's one good thing which has come out of Her Horribleness.

On Friday, I left before the crack of dawn for a meeting of the General Assembly Committee on Representation Executive Committee, which I moderate. The Committee came into existence at reunion to ensure that the leadership of the PCUSA would include a diversity of men and women, clergy and lay, and racial-ethnic representation. The work of the committee has expanded to include representation of various age groups and those with disabilities. There is much good happening, and yet, we've such a long way to go. Systemic change takes time, and I sometimes get impatient. I guess if the worship hour continues to be the most segregated hour of the week (shame on us! Why do we continue to build walls instead of bridges?!), it's no wonder we haven't quite accomplished that task in the leadership of the church. At least we are maintaining an awareness of the need to be inclusive and are taking steps to address the issue.

On Saturday, after the meeting, two of us decided to head into Atlanta and see a play. In terms of location, we decided visit the local Shakespeare Theater. Guess what was playing: The Merchant of Venice! Issues of racism, prejudice, religious hatred - not in a good light, to say the least. Unfortunately, there are people who would take Shakespeare's words and use them as justification for their own biases. I found myself of two minds in enjoying the play. The love story and the machinations in bringing it to fruition were hiliarious. The underlying hatred between Christian and Jew were just plain uncomfortable. Admittedly, revenge is an emotion which can take over a person regardless of their religion. Shakespeare had his reasons in his particular context, but we should not continue to carry that particular hatred into our context.

On Sunday, the topic for our Faith Sharing group was how people of faith should respect each other, learn more about each other, accept that we actually have much in common in spite of our differences. We talked about what's the same in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam ... and acknowledged that we need to learn more. A good start! Hope we're able to keep this topic up and running!

And today - well, let's see: Ron Franscell has been banished from a conservative blog for not denouncing a liberal blog. And 'Seventh Heaven' was about racism. Anyone else detecting a theme here? Just how do we diverse individuals manage to maintain connection in a culture which at the moment seems to insist on compartmentalization? "If you don't completely agree with my take on reality, then you are someone to be despised and blocked from my view."

Hmmmmmmmmmm.....I wonder. We've learned to compartmentalize so much in our work/personal lives that perhaps that's what leads so many to wall off those who are different. Did we somewhere along the way forget what it means to be community? Or maybe there's just an idealist within me who thinks that we ever really knew. *sigh* Do you think we'll ever learn? One can only hope and pray.

Women Presidents?

I opened my Houston Chronicle this morning and the first thing to catch my eye was that Chile, Chile mind you!, had elected their first female president. And here in the United States it still seems such a far-fetched idea that a woman could be elected president that the only way tv could make it 'palatable' to the public was to elect a woman as vice-president and then elevate her to the office of president through the death of the president. (and to have that woman be an independent candidate, at that!) HARUMPH!!

Yes, there's more discussion now about the electability of Hiliary Clinton or Condaleeza Rice as president, but if you listen to the subtext, there's almost a not-in-a-million-years flavor to the discussion. What is our problem?!?

It's not that we don't have women with the qualifications and credentials to serve as president. There are women quite ably managing Fortune 500 coumpanies and dealing in international commerce who should have gained sufficient experience to manage all of the various responsibilities of the presidency. Yet you can almost feel people cringing away from the concept. *very deep and long sigh*

Golda Meir of Israel and Margaret Thatcher of Great Britain are two women who come to my mind immediately as strong and capable leaders nationally and internationally. Meir rose to prominence in the late 60's-early 70's, Thatcher in the late 70's-early 90's. And the USA still slogs along wondering about whether a woman could do the job.

This year the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) celebrates 100 years of ordaining women to leadership roles as Deacons and 50 years of ordaining women as Ministers of Word and Sacraments. (The 75th anniversary of the ordination of women as Elders was celebrated last year.) The church hasn't fallen apart as a result. Men and women both bring different gifts to their ministries, just as each individual brings different gifts. Yet there are still places here in the United States where the concept of women in official leadership roles is an obstacle to be overcome.

One of the most fulfilling experiences I had in my previous pastorate was working with a Native American congregation to help them (at their request) to elect women into leadership as Elders. The intriguing thing in this instance was that the men were highly encouraging of the concept, but the women were reluctant to put their names in the hat. Over the course of a couple of years, I watched the men and women minister together in that congregation and tried to understand what the source of their reticence was.

This was a congregation without a pastor and the Elders took turns on Sundays with the preaching responsibilities during the Sunday morning worship. They also had a Sunday evening worship service, and often the women would be the main leadership, reading Scripture, leading prayers, and giving the message. In watching, I learned that the women were actually fulfilling main leadership roles, but simply weren't serving in elected positions of authority. As I talked with the women, I learned that what made them fearful of election to office was the expectation to preach at the Sunday morning worship service. (Isn't it odd what things lead us to shy away from moving forward?)

Once the men on the Session agreed to let a woman Elder opt out of preaching on Sunday mornings, and once I had pointed out to the women that they were already fulfilling all of the responsibilities of Elder, we had one of the women of the congregation agree to be nominated and she was elected. By the time I left that pastorate, I believe she was also filling the pulpit on Sunday mornings! AWESOME!!

As a woman pastor, I've also encountered more difficulty in terms of acceptance from women in the congregation. And it's not the kind of problem that one would expect - of a woman pastor acting inappropriately with a male church member - as has often been the concern of wives where women have entered other previously male-dominated fields. Rather, as one woman put it, "My daddy would roll over in his grave if he knew I was going to a church with a woman pastor."

I wonder if it's some of this kind of thinking which is making it more difficult for a majority of Americans to consider the possibility of electing a woman as president. If so, we are cutting off our noses to spite our faces. I wonder what it would take to dispel the obstacles placed in the path of potential women presidents. I hope we can someday soon get beyond them and tap into the potential gifts to be brought to a presidency by women. Oh well, at least when the counting's done, we won't be among the ranks of Saudi Arabia and Monaco, who have never had a woman to serve in at least a sub-ministerial position. That's saying something for us at any rate!

Of Insurance and Pensions

Pension plans frozen. Fewer employers providing free health insurance. It seems that more and more frequently those in the middle keep getting economically hit by something, and those at the low end have to struggle harder just to survive. Yes, there are those who use the system and play the 'poor' card to their advantage. But there are a vast number who are doing their best to improve their lot in life, and they keep getting knocked back by this and that change to the advantage of the wealthy (which is then supposed to somehow trickle down and improve the lot of the non-wealthy - haven't seen that happen yet).

Can't remember where I read this particular statistic, but the number sticks in my brain: CEO's and 'upper management' of large corporations, on average, make about 486 times what their average worker makes! There's something that feels so completely wrong about that disparity. I'm not saying that CEO's and upper management shouldn't have larger incomes. They do and should take on responsibilites that warrant 'big bucks'. However, much of the income which their businesses earn comes from the work of their employees, and those employees should be recognized more accurately for the value they provide to the business. One of the original values of the union movement was that it forced those business leaders to acknowledge that their income was the result of the work and safety of others, and that there was a value attached to that.

It's outrageous that the top management of Enron and other similar debacles will still have substantial assets even after serving sentences for their behavior, while their employees have lost jobs, pensions, health insurance and with little or no recompense for the losses they've suffered. It's outrageous that top leadership of companies undergoing bankruptcy receive millions in compensation, while their employees are expected to take pay and benefit cuts. It's outrageous that health insurance costs grow by such leaps and bounds that even employees with good incomes are forced to pay larger and larger shares of that cost (I'm not saying the costs shouldn't be shared. I'm just saying that a family shouldn't be bankrupted as a result of those increasing costs.) and that small businesses who truly want to support and reward their employees with this benefit are unable to do so because of the cost to their business.

I know there are a huge number of factors playing into the dynamics of this situation, some of them legitimate. I also know that there are CEO's and companies out there who make an effort to treat their employees equitably. It just seems that all too often it's the employee who has to make concessions while the employers come out in the same financial shape as before, or even better. That's wrong! To me, it's even more wrong when those employers present themselves as Christians. Somehow they've missed the point and slipped back into a biblical mindset which existed around the time of the writing of Job: if you're truly a good and honorable person then God's gonna reward you with things, a surplus of the toys/benefits that show the world God has picked you as a favorite. Hogwash! (Of course, at the end of Job, he gets everything back and then some, which blows the whole lesson, but I have a feeling that someone who just couldn't stand it that the things weren't the point added that on.)

And tying health insurance to one's employer makes things difficult for employees as well. What if you or a family member have significant (or even insignificant) health problems? It's not easy to up and leave an employer over other reasons if your health care might be terminated. Yeah - there's that 18month ERISA benefit. Have you ever had to pay the almost impossible premiums for continuing insurance when you don't have any income to pay with?! The resultant gap in coverage makes it virtually impossible to get 'pre-existing conditions' covered with a new employer, and the cycle goes on and on. And, if you're downsized from a position, then you're just plain up the creek!

Some form of universal healthcare is a resonable response. My mom pops in with 'but then there'd be rationing of health care if that happened'. *sigh* She just doesn't get it. There's already health care rationing - if you can't afford it, you don't get it, and there are way too many people who can't afford the premiums or the copays and just don't get the care they need and deserve as humans. (And health care rationing is even worse in Third World countries. *double sigh*)

The whole situation is just plain frustrating! And I don't see it getting any better at all over the next three years, if anything it will probably get worse. oh, well! Ranting didn't help any (and maybe that's a good thing). I'll have to do some thinking on that!

Those Darned Absolutes

My mind was idly thinking of the things that have to get done, when I remembered it was also time to do taxes. "Blech!" I thought. Then up popped Benjamin Franklin's famous quote, "Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes." Of course, I said sagely to myself ... and stopped cold! Huh?! Nothing is certain!? Wait a minute!!

The next thought that rambled into my head was "The only constant is change." Huh?! The only?! I don't know how many times I've said that. It's been around since the philosopher Heraclitus (in some form or another). The situation comes up where either of these seems appropriate and out they pop!

On the surface, both these statements are truisms. And yet........ We unfortunately get into trouble when we start throwing around such absolutes as 'nothing is certain' and 'the only' without thinking about them a little deeper. Especially as Christians, I wonder why we haven't examined either of these. I really don't want my only certainties to be 'death and taxes' nor the only constant in my life to be 'change'.

And they aren't! "Love never ends." (1 Corinthians 13:8) A constant - unlike change - always there. Ok - human love doesn't always fill the bill, but the love Paul's talking about is the love of God in Christ Jesus. Eternal. Unendling. There whether we claim it or not. That's a certainty that I want to hold close in this time when everything still has an unsettled iffiness to it.

I find I need to hear again and again "Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35, 37-39)

The Apostle Paul knew where his certainties and constants were and are. I do, too, when I don't get caught up in the temporary and human things in life. Ah, well! "You can't change the past." (Guess I'll have to give you that one! As much as the science fiction addict in me would love to have some events of the past changed, I'd really feel uncomfortable if there (itallics) was (end itallics) someone who could just change whatever they wanted whenever it didn't work out right, according to their definition!) But I can change the way I approach things in the future. And, starting right now, I'm planning to give those familiar absolutes that we humans come up with a good looking over ........... and carry within me the one sure and certain constant: "Lo, I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20)

Outrage

They've done it! A few voices spoke and the tv management caved! Yes, there are things on tv which I wouldn't in a million years watch, but they're available. The assumption is that I'm a grown-up and can choose whether to watch or not. But not for this show. We didn't even get the chance to see if it would be worthy of spending the time one it. All because a few voices didn't like what the commercials were saying about the show. THEY hadn't seen it either, but just knew that it would warp everyone's little brains if the show even aired. ARGH!

As if Christ couldn't handle whatever inanity humanity came up with. The Book of Daniel didn't even get a chance in Southeast Texas. Truth to tell, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to watch it or not. The commercials didn't paint a picture that was compelling enough to ensure that I'd at least put a tape in the machine to watch it later. I probably would have given it at least one shot at telling the story, but I didn't get that chance to make the decision.

What is it that makes some people so scared about what entertainment is on tv? I'm actually more worried about how real people actually act and the things they actually do which harm others. And we get to see large percentages of that on tv! 24 hour news channels with their talking heads - and all of the fluff and bother that they put on - without spending time on the things which really matter to the lives of millions. Sure, some worthy events capture our attention for a span of time, but all too often, we are given the minutia while truly important events escape without notice. *sigh*

If we become a nation of sheep (and I'm afraid we're already pretty close to that), we will have lost what made us a country worthy of emulating. People have to be allowed to examine issues (even inane entertainment issues) and decide whether for themselves whether they are harmful or not. That's what freedom of speech is about. I guess in some convoluted way you could say that the tv station exercised their freedom of speech by pulling the show. It is a private enterprise and not a public station; however, they are using public airwaves and entered into an agreement with the national broadcasting system to air the programming provided.

Perhaps if enough people grouse about it, they will air the show at a time which isn't "prime time". Probably won't be enough people who'll take the time to grouse, though. As I said earlier, the commercials weren't about a particularly compelling storyline. But what goes next if we don't grouse? Are we headed for the era of approved "government speak", where if you don't say the correct words, you are subjected to reorientation? Probably not within the next few years, but it's still a possibility on the edge of the horizon. The 'if you aren't with us, you must be against us (and therefore in favor of the enemy)' mindset is dangerous to our current freedom and the workings of democracy.

I cringe when I think of what has happened in only a few years. For most of my life, I lived in Texas. When I moved to Oklahoma, it felt as though I'd left a place where independence was valued almost above all else. Now, there's not much left of that sense of independence. Partisan politics have shifted so far that the few voices seeking a middle ground are almost silenced, and gridlock is SOP.

There is much still to love about Texas. I was quite proud of the way Texans jumped in to help those fleeing Katrina, and how that work is still continuing today, even in the aftermath of Rita here at home. That kind of love and concern for others is truly what it means to be Christian (and a lot of non-Christians are just as good at it as well). If our actions as a nation were such exemplars of our supposedly Judeo-Christian roots, sure there might be some to take advantage of us, but at the same time, we would be living out in fullness the Kingdom of God which we profess to believe is 'already but not yet' in our world. Exhibiting that love for enemies, neighbors, and self is part of that very real 'already'. I hope we get there someday!

I'm Getting a Ro - of!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! They started on it today!! And, is it weird?!

I wasn't aware that they were going to start on it today. Went over there to meet an electrician, since some frayed conduit was found in the attic. He was already in the house checking things out. Really freaked me out! Of course, I was surprised to see people climbing on the roof and hammering and all, but expected people to be on the outside of the house doing that.

Intellectually, I'd realized that all anyone would have to do to break into my broken house was pull off the blue roof and climb in through the hole. What I didn't realize was the effect it would have on me to have someone actually do it, even if it was in the interest of repairing the hole and making that impossible. The whole tree through the house thing has been a bit surreal, and this just emphasized it. It wasn't quite a violated feeling (like someone actually breaking in when the house was intact), but it was definitely uncomfortable. Maybe it had something to do with me not being in control of who entered my home. *shiver* I'll be glad when that part of the repair's finished!

It's also odd how I'm feeling about actually having the roof repaired. *shrug* I guess I'd gotten used to coming by the house and looking up through the mangled rafters to see (and hear) a sea of blue. Maybe that hole and blue tarp were the 'realities' of surviving the storm, and when they're gone the visible symbols will make the hurricane even less real. I wasn't here when the storm came through - a good thing - and I would have left even if I'd been in the state when the storm headed this way.

But I find myself looking for the damage as I drive around town, as if to confirm for myself that the devastation of the storm really happened. I've got family coming in for Christmas, who've only seen pictures of the damage, and that just of my house and the church. Somehow I want to be able to 'prove' to them that we had a real catastrophe here, and the piles of debris and blue roofs and mangled metal were part of that proof.

Don't get me wrong! I'm glad that things are beginning to be cleaned up and repaired! And, no matter what, all those missing trees will be a reminder that something happened around here of major proportion. It's part of the process of healing, I think. No matter how you describe it to someone, or even show them pictures, there is no way they can truly understand what it is you've experienced. There is a vast difference between a picture, which can only show a small portion of the damage and even that not in perspective, and the actual physical walking through to see the twisted rafters mingled with shingles and flashing and broken tree limbs and the water on the floor with pictures and knick-knacks sitting right in the midst of it all and completely untouched. There's an emptiness which just can't be put into words. It can only be experienced.

*sigh* Maybe I'll find the words someday, but I doubt it. I may find the words that satisfy me, but I'm not sure anyone who hasn't been through a similar experience will be able to 'get it'.

Ah, well! I'm getting a ro-of!! WOOHOO!! And on that note, I'm going to just smile for a while and bring this to an end!

My Poor Dog

My poor dog! The storm came through this afternoon and I thought she was going to shake herself apart. She's never been particularly thrilled with thunderstorms, but after Rita, it's even harder on her. The power outage was what did her in. Of course, she had to stick her nose and paws out the door, hear the thunder, and then zip back into the house. Now she's flaked out on the floor, recovering from the storm. *smile*

My original gameplan for the day was to create the script for the cantata. I was going to do some reading last night, then put it together today. WRONG! The weather flip-flops did a major number on my sinuses and I ended up sleeping most of last night and today away. At least I feel better now. The medicine helped too.

I absolute MUST complete the script before Friday, though, so I can give copies to my readers. This do-it-yourself cantata idea was a good one at the time, but now............ *sigh* We are at least introducing the congregation to some 'new' Christmas music which they probably haven't heard before, and it's mostly music that the choir can pick up fairly easily. To make this tie together as a cantata, I'm going to tie the pieces to scriptures associated with the Christmas story and their history or the intent of their composers, at any rate, something about the particular songs. I'll probably do this tomorrow. The brain's not quite there yet.

Tomorrow afternoon I'll be at the 2 meetings related to the Southeast Texas Interfaith Disaster Recovery Organization. I hope that we're able to begin to actually accomplish something. There's something important to me about getting an ecumenical ministry up and running in the area. This could be a step toward breaking down barriers in the community. We are all in this disaster recovery process together, even if our approaches may be different. There are so many people who need assistance and too few resources to help. We've got quite a task ahead of us, identifying those who don't have resources, connecting them with volunteers and resources, and helping the community as a whole to become what is possible for the future.

Well, I'm going to sign-off and hope tomorrow goes more like I have planned than today did. *chuckle* Probably not, but one can hope!