Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I'm Getting a Ro - of!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! They started on it today!! And, is it weird?!

I wasn't aware that they were going to start on it today. Went over there to meet an electrician, since some frayed conduit was found in the attic. He was already in the house checking things out. Really freaked me out! Of course, I was surprised to see people climbing on the roof and hammering and all, but expected people to be on the outside of the house doing that.

Intellectually, I'd realized that all anyone would have to do to break into my broken house was pull off the blue roof and climb in through the hole. What I didn't realize was the effect it would have on me to have someone actually do it, even if it was in the interest of repairing the hole and making that impossible. The whole tree through the house thing has been a bit surreal, and this just emphasized it. It wasn't quite a violated feeling (like someone actually breaking in when the house was intact), but it was definitely uncomfortable. Maybe it had something to do with me not being in control of who entered my home. *shiver* I'll be glad when that part of the repair's finished!

It's also odd how I'm feeling about actually having the roof repaired. *shrug* I guess I'd gotten used to coming by the house and looking up through the mangled rafters to see (and hear) a sea of blue. Maybe that hole and blue tarp were the 'realities' of surviving the storm, and when they're gone the visible symbols will make the hurricane even less real. I wasn't here when the storm came through - a good thing - and I would have left even if I'd been in the state when the storm headed this way.

But I find myself looking for the damage as I drive around town, as if to confirm for myself that the devastation of the storm really happened. I've got family coming in for Christmas, who've only seen pictures of the damage, and that just of my house and the church. Somehow I want to be able to 'prove' to them that we had a real catastrophe here, and the piles of debris and blue roofs and mangled metal were part of that proof.

Don't get me wrong! I'm glad that things are beginning to be cleaned up and repaired! And, no matter what, all those missing trees will be a reminder that something happened around here of major proportion. It's part of the process of healing, I think. No matter how you describe it to someone, or even show them pictures, there is no way they can truly understand what it is you've experienced. There is a vast difference between a picture, which can only show a small portion of the damage and even that not in perspective, and the actual physical walking through to see the twisted rafters mingled with shingles and flashing and broken tree limbs and the water on the floor with pictures and knick-knacks sitting right in the midst of it all and completely untouched. There's an emptiness which just can't be put into words. It can only be experienced.

*sigh* Maybe I'll find the words someday, but I doubt it. I may find the words that satisfy me, but I'm not sure anyone who hasn't been through a similar experience will be able to 'get it'.

Ah, well! I'm getting a ro-of!! WOOHOO!! And on that note, I'm going to just smile for a while and bring this to an end!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My Poor Dog

My poor dog! The storm came through this afternoon and I thought she was going to shake herself apart. She's never been particularly thrilled with thunderstorms, but after Rita, it's even harder on her. The power outage was what did her in. Of course, she had to stick her nose and paws out the door, hear the thunder, and then zip back into the house. Now she's flaked out on the floor, recovering from the storm. *smile*

My original gameplan for the day was to create the script for the cantata. I was going to do some reading last night, then put it together today. WRONG! The weather flip-flops did a major number on my sinuses and I ended up sleeping most of last night and today away. At least I feel better now. The medicine helped too.

I absolute MUST complete the script before Friday, though, so I can give copies to my readers. This do-it-yourself cantata idea was a good one at the time, but now............ *sigh* We are at least introducing the congregation to some 'new' Christmas music which they probably haven't heard before, and it's mostly music that the choir can pick up fairly easily. To make this tie together as a cantata, I'm going to tie the pieces to scriptures associated with the Christmas story and their history or the intent of their composers, at any rate, something about the particular songs. I'll probably do this tomorrow. The brain's not quite there yet.

Tomorrow afternoon I'll be at the 2 meetings related to the Southeast Texas Interfaith Disaster Recovery Organization. I hope that we're able to begin to actually accomplish something. There's something important to me about getting an ecumenical ministry up and running in the area. This could be a step toward breaking down barriers in the community. We are all in this disaster recovery process together, even if our approaches may be different. There are so many people who need assistance and too few resources to help. We've got quite a task ahead of us, identifying those who don't have resources, connecting them with volunteers and resources, and helping the community as a whole to become what is possible for the future.

Well, I'm going to sign-off and hope tomorrow goes more like I have planned than today did. *chuckle* Probably not, but one can hope!

Saturday, November 26, 2005

This n That

Oh, well! I knew going into this that I'd probably keep it up for a while then wander off. I'm terrible at journaling, so why did I think I'd remember to post anything? That's what experiments are for, though, to learn something.

Perhaps part of the problem was that I've been displaced and travelling between Houston and Beaumont. That drive sure gets old quickly!! And was I grateful when the opportunity of a place to stay in town opened up? You betcha!! It's not 'home' but at least I'm not spending so much time and gas on interstate 10.

It's amazing how disorienting things have been. Advent is just on our doorsteps and yet it still feels like August/September. And it's not just the fairly warm weather that accounts for the time slippage. We decorated the sanctuary last Sunday and it felt surreal. There was a part of me that wanted to put the boxes back in the basement and another part of me that hoped the decorating would somehow 'ground' me at the proper time and place. I'm not sure it worked. At least I'm a little more aware of the 'when' I'm in. The where may take some doing - and may not happen until I finally get back in my own home. Still not sure when that'll happen, but probably sometime before the end of this century (I hope).

A friend emailed a wonderful Christmas Light Show, which was a spirit lifter. Some person with way too much time on their hands had set up their Christmas lights to 'dance' along with some music. The synchronized light show is a hoot! I decided to save it, so I can come back to it later as the spirit moves me. *smile* A three-minute pick-me-up - what a wonderful blessing!! I don't think I'm going to do much decorating of my own this year, so it's good to have something to fall back on.

Thanksgiving was really nice. I had a wonderful meal with some of my church family and then we played a dice game called 10,000 (I think that's its name). Simple fun - just what the doctor ordered! AFterward I went back to the home I'm house-sitting in while waiting the repair of my own home. The dog was happy to see me and, for once, decided snuggling was in order. That is, until I made the mistake of moving my feet. She just plain hates feet! We're both semi-settled in here, but you can tell she's not quite adapted. Anytime I leave the house, she wants to go with me. I think she's hoping I'll take her to our familiar place. We've been there - and it's not familiar - so she wanders around with a puzzled look on her face. I have this feeling it looks a lot like my own.

The other day I was driving in to the office and noticed several houses with neatly manicured yards and no visible blue roofing. I found myself feeling quite angry with their owners for having things already back in place while my life was a disheveled mess. It didn't seem fair that they didn't at least have a pile of limbs waiting at the curb for pickup. My secretary wondered if I'd been participating in "drive by cursings". *chuckle* Of course, I had to say Yes!

*sigh* Guess I'd better call it quits for right now. Maybe I'll post again soon........then again, maybe not. I'll probably wait until I have something of insignificance to say. *smile* Later!

Friday, October 21, 2005

A long week

Well, it's been over a week now and I'm finally treeless. That is, my roof is finally treeless, and I've joined the sea of blue roofs. Who knows how long it'll be before I'm able to really live in Beaumont again?

Access to the internet will definitely be part of the equation. I stayed at a member's home and no sooner had I gotten there, but her computer was fried. *shrug* I'm your basic jinx around other people's computers. I can walk into a room and they begin to act weird! Magnetic personality? Perhaps!

It's frustrating to see the additional damage to the church that's showing up now. Flat roofs just plain are horrible for letting the water get into the works, and the water's been worming its way down the walls. My nose isn't the least bit happy about the mildew and moldy stuff growing, either! Bleah! Achoo!

But enough about buildings - the important part of my week has been spent with people! Good people! Wonderful conversations! Brain work which let me take a break from "tree stories". And all that brainwork has temporarily worn me out, so I'm headed off to bed shortly. zzzzzzz!

More later - I just didn't want to let this experiment die an early death! *chuckle* G'night!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Current State of the Aftermath

At the moment, I'm alive, in a safe place, will someday have an intact roof to go home to, and (unlike way too many people in this area at this time) have an income I can count on. In terms of the emotional, foggy is a good way to describe it. As one of my members said when I mentioned something about only keeping up w/one thing at a time right now, "you're not ready for multi-tasking just yet!"

I've a wonderful congregation and staff (my secretary's a pastor's dream!). After the ice storm in Idabel, there was never the support and caring for each other that this congregation is expressing. It's a real blessing!

Finally met w/my insurance adjuster yesterday. I'm getting a whole brand new roof (the previous owners put a composition roof over wood shingles and the insurance company requires that repairs be done on something permanent - like plywood, not shingles), so I'm going to get to put a lighter colored roof on to save on electric bills. We've got to replace 5-6 rafters (maybe a couple more) from where the tree went in, and all the insulation in at least the main living part of the house (which was something I wanted to do someday anyway). The carpet in my den (which was completely soaked) and the carpet in my living room (which was partially wet) are being completely replaced, so now I get to pick the carpet for the main living areas. The ceiling in my bathroom has to be replaced, which will ruin the wallpaper in that bathroom, so it has to be replaced, which is wonderful because I absolutely hated that wallpaper! And the metal awning over my patio has to be replaced because it has a bunch of dents you can't see from the ground, which is good because it really looked like it was time to replace it when I bought the place (kinda musty/moldy looking but in good shape otherwise at the time). In fact, the only thing that has to be done which isn't completely to my liking is my sofabed and love seat are ruined and I have to replace them. *moan*

It's hard to say when I'll be able to get all this done, but I'm hoping it'll be by Thanksgiving. I finally have my electricity back on. They got that connected up on Monday. The rest of the street has water, but mine got turned off sometime after the storm. I'm waiting to connect up w/the water dept people and find out what the problem is. One of my members thinks that while they were picking up debris in the neighborhood, one of the trucks went over my meter and may have damaged the box or nearby line. I'm hoping it's that instead of some other damage in the house.

As to when I'll be able to do any living in it ........ shrug. We've got to get rid of that moldy insulation and sheetrock before I can stay there w/out my sinuses complaining. Once that's done, I can stay in the rest of the house. It's in good shape. It'll be a couple more weeks at least before I have telephone and internet and I really need access to the internet! I'll probably be staying part time w/members and then coming back to Mom's for a while. Alternative housing in the Beaumont area is quite scarce right now, what with all the disaster relief and repair people in town. One of my members who's in kind of the same pickle I am, but worse, could only get an apartment as near as Liberty (about 1 hour's drive away), so I might as well stay at Mom's which is about 1 1/2 hours away when I need the internet. Doesn't look like the church's internet will be back up before the end of the month, either, so that's not an option.

This has been quite an experience! It's truly had its uplifiting moments and its downers. And some real good has come out of it as well. I'm still learning about my members' journeys. *smile* This would be several hours long if I wrote of all the good things! But we've a called presbytery meeting today to set up an administrative commission to deal w/disaster relief and I've got to get dressed and leave in an hour!

Monday, October 10, 2005

To Be ... or Not To Be ... in Beaumont

Yesterday and today were truly interesting when compared to each other. We had a wonderful worship service filled with some truly inspiring stories of the events that have happened in people's lives over the past 2 1/2 weeks. Some people had stereotypes about different racial/ethnic groups busted to smithereens. Some had incredible stories of their evacuation to share. Some told of the blessings of friends and strangers. Some noted that events conspired to bring about unexpected results. There were hugs andtears and concern and laughter and prayers.

I have had about 5 offers of places to stay while my house is being restored to usable status, and with more of my members returning to the area, I feel the need to be in the community and available. It's truly awesome!

Today I spent trying to make contact with the insurance adjuster ..... again! I think I've finally managed to get through enough layers of supervisors to make and impact, I hope. i'm supposed to meet w/the guy tomorrow. Hope he shows this time!

In the meantime, a group of church members from Houston came to help clean up my remaining monster trees and pull the soggy carpeting out of my house so it won't be in worse shape. A major blessing! I couldn't have done it by myself.

And I caught up with some members I hadn't heard from. They are safe and doing ok, even though their homes have suffered some damage. What a relief! One member who's back in Beaumont told me to stay where I am and not return yet. "Stay where you have electricity and groceries, it's much safer than here right now." For the moment, I'll probably continue to do a bit of commuting, but those darned gas prices will probably put the kibosh in that real soon!

*sigh* I'm so ready for normal!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Flat

Flat. It's odd, but that's how I feel - flat. No highs.........no lows.........just flat. The rational part of me knows that that's a normal feeling. It's part of the process of dealing with change. It's also a way of hiding from reality, at least a little bit.

I recall a time from my 'previous life' when I felt flat, wrapped in cotton, insulated from real feelings. I don't want to head back in that direction, but it seems I'm kind of stuck here at the moment. Maybe it has something to do with being in limbo, not knowing when I'll be able to return home. It's safer to be 'flat' than it is to actually feel at the moment.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.............limbo. Wonder why we use that term for those times when we don't know what's happening next. It doesn't quite fit w/the image of trying to weasel one's way under a pole to stay in a game. Maybe it has to do w/being flexible, and one really has to be flexible at a time like this. But when I think of being in limbo, I think of being in a gray, foggy place w/no landmarks or cues to point in any particular direction. Yeah - flat! I think of limbo as being flat.

I think I'm just going stay w/being flat for a while, until I get tired of it. Somehow I don't imagine it'll be a long-term thing. For one thing, it's boring. Being bored is ok for the short term, but long-term? Nah! You miss out on too much! But for right now, it's ok to be flat, and I'm just going to accept that.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Show Me the Way to Go Home! I'm Tired

Time seems to pass so weirdly right now. Has it really been only been almost 2 weeks since the hurricane hit the Texas coast? It's hard to keep up with what day of the week it is, much less what the date is. If I weren't looking at a calendar right now, I'd still think we were in September!

I'm in a safe place and have an intact roof over my head, utilities, and food to eat........but it's not home. I've been in similar situations before - not knowing when I'd be in my own place, or even where that place would be. There's something different about this time, though. Maybe it's knowing that home is so close by, yet not liveable at the moment, and not knowing when it will be.

A young friend of mine said she can't wait to get back home - to see her friends, and even her enemies! I know what she means. There is comfort in having the familiar to surround us. The initial excitement of change is invigorating at first. But then loss kicks in.

I knew that the tree went through my roof as soon as the FEMA guy said I had a tree on my house. Yet the loss wasn't real until I actually saw it. And then, there was the amazement of things untouched by the weight of the storm. Within the same room, furniture and floor were soaked, but precious pictures were left untouched. The ceiling light is hanging by a wire, but the ceiling fan in the same room is secure against the plaster. In many ways, I'm blessed.

If the storm had happened at a different time, my PsychoKat would have been at the house alone as the storm sent a tree crashing through the house. She's already a bit deranged as it is from being in a house alone while an ice storm pierced my house with a falling limb. I'm not sure what she would have been like after a hurricane alone. Instead she was at the home of a friend in Houston, kept safe from the worst of the storm. My dog was with my Mom and they slept through the edges of Rita after giving up on evacuating from Houston. I was stuck in California, trying to get back home and watching the brainiac newscasters holding onto their hats and mikes as they reported on the storm (and encouraged by the lights still on in the Beaumont library for so long!).

So, now, I wait. Wait for insurance adjusters to get their act together. Wait for electricity to be restored. Wait for repairs to be begun. Wait to sleep in my own bed in my own house in a place where my friends and enemies are present and accounted for. Wait for life to again return to the ebb and flow of something resembling a normal pattern (whatever that might be, I'm not sure! normally abnormal, then?). And maybe, just maybe, I'll learn a little bit in the meantime - about myself, about my friends, about my community, about life!