Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Musings on the Way to Church

Last Sunday, I filled in for a pastor colleague who pastors a church about an hour from here. It was a very beautiful Sunday morning and led to some musings along the way.

One of the first things that popped into mind had to do with this space between calls. After I left my last church, I was wounded emotionally and spiritually and felt so much alone. It was an incredibly difficult ending and it seemed to me that there had to be something wrong with me and how I'd pastored the church. I'd felt abandoned by pretty much everyone (even though I had a place to go and friends online to help with the transition). About the only positive thing I had to carry with me was the General Presbyter's comment that I "hadn't done anything wrong", along with an admonition to get out of town as quickly as possible because he was concerned for my safety.

I truly needed the almost 13 months between ending one call and starting the next. During that time, except for weekends when I was 'candidating' for my next position, I didn't do any pulpit supply and certainly wasn't in any frame of mind to consider it, even though the income would have been helpful. The hurt was just too great.

This time, the hurt is there, but it's a completely different kind of hurt. There's a loss this time that is kind of dificult to explain. There is a letting go of relationships that is much different from the last time. How do you balance the relationships and concerns from over 5 years together with the distance which needs to happen so we can each move forward - the members to finding new church homes and pastors and me to a new call? It's definitely a new experience.

As you can tell by the fact that I was driving to preach for someone so soon after the church closed, I am doing much better this time around. My head and heart are both just about ready to be at that new place God is calling me to. The selfish part of me wants to know right now, so I can make some plans for a real vacation, knowing where I'll be in the future while taking a semi-stress-free break.

And, then I saw the sign. "If anyone can, *name of auto dealership* can!" OK. The two don't really go together, but this was some wool-gathering while driving. The brain went directly to "Well, duh!" If anyone can do it, I can do it, right? Why do I need someone to do for me something that anyone can do? Now if it had said, "If no one else can, *dealership* can!", then I might have been impressed.

A little further down the road was a sign for 'yard eggs'. I hadn't heard the term 'yard eggs' in years. When I used to visit my grandparents on their farm, grandma had chickens and every morning she'd go out and pick up the eggs they'd laid. She had a chicken coop and the chickens mostly laid their eggs in the prepared nests in the coop, but sometimes, they laid their eggs out in the yard. Then you had to hunt to make certain none of them were just laying around rotting. I'm not a farm girl by any stretch of the imagination and I'm not even particularly fond of eggs either, but it was fun remembering that day and time.

And, then I got to the church and worshipped with a fine group of people and came back home to a quiet afternoon. I haven't the foggiest of what God has in store for me in the future, but I trust that I will be ready for it when the time comes.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Come on, Y'all

So far, it's been a nice, lazy Saturday, mostly.

The dog woke me up about 9am with an urgency which expressed a desperate need to leave the building. That was followed by a collect call from a pay phone from someone seeking assistance who'd remembered enough of my name to get a home number from the directory. It wouldn't have been a problem if I'd actually known the person as a church member or true acquaintance, but I don't give rides to people I don't know.

Beyond that, nothing particularly exciting is happening. My accomplishments to this point include procuring a camcorder to record a second sermon for distribution in the church search, wrangling an agreement from my son to videotape said sermon tomorrow, responding to a couple of emails, working a couple of crossword puzzles, and slowly meandering my way through two newspapers.

Then my eye lit on this headline: Thousands still wait for Rita aid money. The bullet point reads: Auditor finds two-thirds of cash for Texas unspent.

OUTRAGEOUS!!

Okay. I'll bite. Yes, federal monies generally come with red tape. State officials are right to do what they can to avoid fraud. But this is ridiculous!

How many more hurricanes have to come crashing through the area before homes initially damaged in Rita, and already approved for assistance, are repaired? I went to a couple of meetings after Ike roared through town and was flabbergasted to hear that there would bee a need to distinguish between Rita damage and Ike damage. I guess you can't use Rita money on Ike damage? Even if the Ike damage was caused by the fact that the state futzed around with the Rita recovery money and didn't get the initial repairs done, which might have prevented the additional damage in the first place?

Get real, people!

These families are hurting. They are families who didn't have much except their homes before the first storm hit. For the vast majority of them, they are living in housing which was probably untenentable right after Rita came through and is in even worse shape after Ike.

It may be a false assumption, but I'm assuming the state has those multi-millions that are laying idle in some kind of interest-bearing account. It would be stupid of them not to. (But I wouldn't put a bit of stupidity past most governmental entities.) If there is interest being earned, will those monies head toward hurricane damaged areas for repairs that weren't funded the first time around? It seems that we ought to end up with some kind of benefit for the unconscionable delay in releasing the funds.

I know it takes time for governments to take action, and I know it takes time to recover from disasters of the proportions of Rita and Ike. However, families that suffered housing losses in Rita will never truly begin their own recoveries until their homes have been repaired. Is it right for us (as in govermnent) to continue to delay that recovery just because some minor percentage of individuals may commit fraud? These literally poor people have been through the bureaucratic wringer and come out of the process mauled. Anyone who's hung on this long probably has more than earned the right to a repaired home!

Come on, state officials! Let's get this recovery in full gear before the next version of Her Horribleness or His Hirrobleness comes roaring through town and not only adds insult to injury, but contempt to the pains that have already been endured.