On Being Clergy

Years ago, when the tv show Seventh Heaven first came into being, I watched it regularly. If you've not seen it, it's about a minister, his wife, and their (then) five children. The thing I truly appreciated about the show was that it portrayed something of what it's like to be involved in the ministry.

The family lives in the church manse. At the time, so did I. Occasionally the show had the 'church ladies' treating the manse like their own home - barging in and commenting on how this and that looked, and what their expectations were for the pastor's family - all of the traditional horror stories of pastors living in manses. Fortunately, that wasn't a problem for me. The congregation I was serving respected our privacy and only came over when invited, or upon calling in advance.

Watching the Rev. Camden deal with the various aspects and complications that arise when you're a pastor helped me to feel not so alone in a place where I was pretty isolated. And he wasn't presented as 'perfect pastor' either. Sometimes things got really screwed up! There was so much that I could identify with! (And no, I'm not saying that I was a perpetual screw-up. *chuckle* Although I did, and still do, make my fair share of mistakes.)

Then the show became the 'Camden kids' hour. From week to week, it was the travails of being PKs, with all of the possible horrific combination of things that any kid could get into represented. Admittedly, PKs sometimes appear to get into more trouble than other kids. The expectations that congregations put on them can be overwhelming, especially in small towns.

He may get miffed at me for blogging this, but, while we were in Oklahoma, my son decided that it was important for him to have his name taken off the church rolls. Unbeknownst to me, he was sort of coerced by one of the members into joining in the first place during our first year there. There came a point when he came to a session meeting, stated his position and why, then asked to have his name removed. Not much they could do besides honor his request. I applauded his integrity, and was thrilled that he felt secure enough to take that step. (ok - end of side-track)

Because the show began spending more time on the kids instead of the ministry, I watched, but nowhere near regularly. Then came this year. It was supposed to be the last year of the show with the merger of the WB and UPN, so they were trying to wrap up several storylines.

One of the (more unbelieveable) storylines was that of one of the Camden daughters becoming a minister in her father's church; however, it did bring the show back into some focus on what it's like to be clergy. Watching reruns tonight, I was caught up by the issue of confidentiality which Lucy was trying to honor, while everyone else, INCLUDING her minister father, was trying to find out 'what she was up to'. ARGH!! Ok - ridiculous storyline. But it did bring up the issue of clergy confidenialty and how it functions in a clergy family.

Being a single parent, it wasn't a big problem for me. My son wasn't particularly interested, and certainly wasn't nosy enough to have to know everything that was going on in the church. Yet I wonder how I would deal with it if I were married or in a relationship. Every pastor needs a safe place to vent sometimes, and I have my support system in place (and anything discussed is in terms of hypotheticals, no names, some details changed to protect the innocent and so on). But the dynamics change when there's a spouse or significant other in the picture. I suspect most members expect their pastor shares things with their spouse (but not a significant other) from time to time.

Here's the thing for me, though. If I were to accept information in confidence (and it wasn't something I was legally obligated to report to appropriate authorities), I would feel the need to keep that information to myself. As things stand right now, I can spill the beans all I want to the dog. She's not telling - and is great at commiserating whenever I need a companion. Those puppy-dog eyes speak volumes! Guess I'll just have to believe that I'll be able to maintain my integrity if I should ever get married again, and trust that whoever I marry will be secure and supportive enough to be a part of my life without knowing everything that happens in my work life.

I'll be interested to see how this particular storyline plays out on Seventh Heaven. I don't think I've seen the next couple of episodes, so I haven't a clue as to what will happen next. 'Til then, I'll just have to wonder and imagine.