Flat

Flat. It's odd, but that's how I feel - flat. No highs.........no lows.........just flat. The rational part of me knows that that's a normal feeling. It's part of the process of dealing with change. It's also a way of hiding from reality, at least a little bit.

I recall a time from my 'previous life' when I felt flat, wrapped in cotton, insulated from real feelings. I don't want to head back in that direction, but it seems I'm kind of stuck here at the moment. Maybe it has something to do with being in limbo, not knowing when I'll be able to return home. It's safer to be 'flat' than it is to actually feel at the moment.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.............limbo. Wonder why we use that term for those times when we don't know what's happening next. It doesn't quite fit w/the image of trying to weasel one's way under a pole to stay in a game. Maybe it has to do w/being flexible, and one really has to be flexible at a time like this. But when I think of being in limbo, I think of being in a gray, foggy place w/no landmarks or cues to point in any particular direction. Yeah - flat! I think of limbo as being flat.

I think I'm just going stay w/being flat for a while, until I get tired of it. Somehow I don't imagine it'll be a long-term thing. For one thing, it's boring. Being bored is ok for the short term, but long-term? Nah! You miss out on too much! But for right now, it's ok to be flat, and I'm just going to accept that.