Disaster Recovery Blues

Is it my imagination, or are people seeming to be, well, frailer right now? I know it's allergy season and people tend to get clobbered by pollen this time of year, but it seems like there's more going around this year. I seem to be noticing that we're a bit more frazzled and disconnected than usual - or at least that's what I'm experiencing. I've never been the world's best organizer, so that part of it is not a surprise. However I seem to have mislaid several months as well.

To put things into context, there are still over 12,000 homes in Jefferson County alone with 'blue roofs' (that is, they still have fairly significant holes in their roofs and only have tarps to keep the rain away - and those aren't completely reliable, and were expected to last only six months). So, no, we aren't back to normal yet and it will be years (not just months) before we get there.

We're also approaching hurricane season again. I think that may be playing into some of it. There's an edge of fear that seems to ride right at the fringe of one's vision. My confident and jaunty remark when people ask the resident theologian if we're having a hurricane this year is: NO! I try not to let people see that I'm afraid of what will happen if the answer is yes. Maybe I should.

I'm still not back in my home. Oh! I could actually live in the house. There are people in the area living in homes in much worse condition than mine. Mine does have an intact, functioning roof, and it's much better off than many of the unrepaired homes in the area. But I have a safe place to stay where the utilities are reasonable (without a ceiling in my house, I'd be air conditioning the entire attic - no fun in Beaumont heat and humidity!). It's just not home, though.

My brain knows that all of what I'm feeling is normal for the situation. I just wish the situation would go away and LEAVE ME ALONE! What I'd really like to do right now is stand in the middle of my broken house with some good friends around me and have a good cry. But that's not going to happen any time soon. *sigh* *very deep sigh* Somehow I just can't quite get beyond the saying it's what I want to do and actually do it. I'm not quite sure why that feels like such a scary proposition, but it does. Maybe it's just a part of the recovery process for me. We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?