Thursday, March 30, 2006

Awesome Rose!

What an awesome young lady! Rose on Black. White., that is. There are six people living in that house and I think she's the only one who's truly beginning to 'get it'.

On last night's show, she sat talking with her mom and basically (because I can't remember verbatim) said, "I can put on the makeup and experience the stares and the slights, but I cannot truly be black because I was not raised in that culture. I am not black. I do not carry within me the centuries of oppression and slavery which is a part of their culture. And they cannot put on makeup and truly become white because they were not raised white." She recognizes that there may be a barrier there that cannot be overcome ... and truly respects and is awed by what she has learned, and manages to hear, truly hear, when her stereotypes are challenged, so that her understanding is broadened.

One of the African-American teens pointed out to Rose that some of her cultural expectations regarding an innate family-ship among those of African descent were built on expecting all blacks, regardless of background, to feel that same kinship and rootedness in the African culture. She told Rose that she grew up in this country and her family came from slave roots, but that she was completely disconnected from the African aspect of her background. Rose is beginning to understand that it isn't just skin color which determines one's cultural understanding. Watching Rose grow has been the most truly fascinating part of this six-week show.

I'm not sure if it's the way the producers have cut the rest of the footage, but I've gotten frustrated with the rest of the people in the show. Well, I probably oughta give Carmen a bit of a break - she is at least recognizing that life in the other culture does have strictures that she wasn't truly aware of earlier. There has been a subtle shift in the focus of the Spark family. Now it is not so much about how they experience being white, but on how Nick is not culturally aware of his blackness and on teaching the others in the show what being African-American is about.

The interesting thing is that I think Nick may be struggling with his identity, regardless of culture, and simply trying to find a place where he fits in. It's only after he reveals that he's really black, not white, that he encourages the rest of his etiquette class to use the N-word. And truly doesn't seem to understand one of the girl's discomfort and objection to its usage, even though she's white and even though she's been given permission by an African-American to use the word. My guess is that Nick slipped back into some subconscious cultural expectations - whites expect blacks to use the N-word and feel comfortable about it - and put on the role when he was faced with the experience.

I guess I'm just going to slog on through until the end, if only to see if Rose has any impact on the rest of the participants.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Hurricane Recovery 101

I wonder if anyone's ever thought of writing a "Hurricane Recovery for Dummies" or "Idiot's Guide to Hurricane Recovery" book. It seems the longer recovery is happening, the more I learn I need to know. The book could have more than just the usual 'how to find a reputable contractor' section that you find in the newspapers after catastrophe strikes. Here're some of the others that mine would have:

Speaking in Tongues - It seems that all of the sudden I'm supposed to be proficient in the language of insurance, mortgage, contractor, and FEMAese. I'm an intelligent person and am having a difficult time speaking just plain English! These arcane tongues require experts!

Interpreting Insurance Adjuster Estimates - Part of it goes back to Speaking in Tongues, but trying to piece together one's damaged home while looking at one of those estimates is enough to give the uninformed a headache. For example, one part of my estimate says 'apply microbial agent'. Now I'm sort of sure the guy doesn't mean Kilz, because he mentions that by name later in the estimate. So just what the heck is he talking about, where do I get it, or who do I get to apply it? Mysteries!

The Art of the Mediator - suggestions on how to get the insurance company to actually speak directly to the contractor who's doing the work and insists that it costs a whole heck of a lot more than the insurance company says they're now willing to pay. The insurance company says they can't be involved in disputes with contractors, even though it's the insuracne company who approves how much gets paid and is (with replacement cost insurance) footing the whole shebang! It takes delicate work (and the willingness to look like an absolute idiot) to actually get both parties in the same room to talk.

Locating Collateral Damage for the Untrained Eye - It's amazing to me that I've now had two! (count them - 1 .... 2) insurance adjusters in my home for the sole purpose of locating damage which occurred as a result of a tree crashing through my roof during a hurricane and neither one found what I happened to notice this weekend. While standing in one of the rooms next to where the tree came in, I happened to look near the ceiling and noticed that the nails which hold the sheetrock to the studs are protruding about 1/8th to 1/4 of an inch from the wall. Is this significant structural damage which must be repaired before I go further? Or can I just tap those suckers back in and have someone do some cosmetic surgery where the now visible nails are? I don't know! And there are other things I've found as time has gone by. It would be helpful to know what to look for and where to look for it, rather than counting on happenstance to notice that the ornamental ironwork at the opposite end of the house from the tree incursion has shifted about 1/2 inch and, lo! and behold!, at least one of the bricks on the house is now loose.

Creating Debris Sculptures and Other Recycling Ideas - Some handy-dandy suggestions for what to do with some of the mountain of stuff which is now sitting in your living room floor or on your bed. Who knew that so much could come out of such a contained space? There have got to be some creative ideas for it beyond putting it in the landfill for archeologists to drool over in centuries to come.

The Plants Are Dying. Is This Normal? - Actually, this one is for people who are more plant oriented than I am. I have the proverbial black thumb, but thought there might be some things that gardener types would find useful.

NO! You Aren't Just Imagining Things - Well, there probably could be a better name for this one, but I can't think of it at the moment. In fact, that's one of the normal things which seem to happen in the aftermath of a traumatic event - not being able to think quite as well as usual. An all-purpose Hurricane Recovery book would have to include a section on the personal process of grieving and recovering after the storm. So many people don't know that some of the mental, physicial, and spiritual weirdnesses which are happening to them may be (and probably are at least for a period of time) normal parts of recovering from such a traumatic event. I still find myself caught in the cycle of grieving, especially since I'm not back in my home yet. If it's difficult for me (and I do have a home I can return to eventually, and resources to help me get there), imagine how difficult it is for those who can't return home or don't have resources.

Of course, there need to be chapters on dealing with landlords who raise rents or won't do repairs, how to find ........ whatever (advocacy resources, assistance resources when you can't do it yourself or don't have insurance, etc.), AND celebrating when something resembling a normal life finally gets put back together!

I'd try to tackle it, but I'm in the middle of this right now and don't have time to research all the angles! Maybe you'll take a bite at this apple?

Monday, March 27, 2006

Monday Monday

Looks like it's going to be longer before I get back home. The church group that was going to finish my interior work now that my roof's fixed isn't going to be able to do it. I was afraid that might happen after my roof repair put things on hold. Talk about a depressing turn of events! Absolutely ruined my Monday. (I know. I know. Mondays are supposed to be lousy. But Mondays are my day off, so they're usually not bad.)

Now I've gotta find someone to do the interior work (walls, ceilings, painting ... well, I can do some of that, but a crew would be helpful ... baseboards, wallpapering ... that I'm absolutely no good at! *chuckle* ...). Haven't quite figured out when I'm going to add that task to the already full plate I have. Things crank up big time between now and my son's graduation. I think I'll be meeting myself coming and going - and it looks like that won't be happening at my home anytime soon. *very big sigh*

I'm definitely in morose-mode today. You know, good stuff actually has been happening recently. My son came down and visited this weekend. It was really good to see him! He didn't even get lost on the way down, which is quite an accomplishment for him! (He unfortunately inherited my directional disability.) He's become quite an awesome young man. Wish he could have stayed a couple of days longer, but classes were calling.

We had a really good turnout for the launch of the Coalition for Mutual Respect here in the Golden Triangle. Building interfaith relationships is something our congregation wants to be involved in, and I think that's really cool! It was wonderful to be a part of selecting the leadership for our denomination's General Assembly this June. I learned a lot and hope that I was helpful in the process. Our church has a new choir director/accompanist, who's a really good musician. He started last Sunday and everyone was thrilled. It'll be wonderful to have the organ played by someone who's specialty is organ performance each week. Easter oughta be awesome!

Now if I can just hang onto the up part of this!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Of Washers and Racism

I finally found the trick to making the washer where I'm staying run through the entire cycle! Minor accomplishment, but you don't know how good that makes me feel this morning. *chuckle* Up until this morning, the machine's stopped after agitating for a while and then I've had to run the dial around, popping it in and out at various spots, to get it to rinse and then get it it spin. Frustrating! So.... what do you have to do to keep it working through the cycle? Why take your fist and whop it on the lid twice! *sigh* And to think it was so completely simple.

Well, the day is off to a good start, so now all I have to do is climb a couple of mountains of stuff to get done, write my article for the newsletter, pay bills (yuck!), attend a meeting, and go to the grocery store (to put it mildly my cupboard has gone bare!). Mundane stuff, I know, but it's part of life.

I'm still watching Black. White. I'll admit it. I think I'm hooked on this one. About the time I decide it's a waste of time, someone does or says something which intrigues me. We finally got to see a bit more of the son this week. In some ways, he plays to the stereotype of the teen African-American (and I realize that this isn't only a black phenomenon) - there's a bit of the gang wannabe about him; rap music; if he wants something and has the money, he buys it, even if it wipes him out financially; he's been expelled from school and doesn't see any reason for working on his GED or trying to go to college or get a job (which is interesting because both of his parents are college educated and work).

I am intrigued by the fact that he truly doesn't see any racism directed toward him, or others, for that matter. He isn't hyper-vigilant for behavior that singles him out because of his race. The fact that he doesn'tsee it really bothers his dad a lot! In fact, his father feels he's failed as a father for not teaching his son these things. Which raises some questions for me - Does one have to be hyper-vigilant in order to root out racism? Or do we eliminate racism by becoming color-blind? Or does being color-blind simply ignore the problem and 'hope it goes away'? In some respects, he's like Bruno (the white adult) who believes that racism doesn't truly exist, but it's a matter of treating each other with respect. (Nothing wrong about that last part, unfortunately, I don't think we've gotten past the racism yet.) The next question becomes "how do we get everyone to treat each other with respect?"

When I was in Idabel, the community went through a planning process to develop some goals to help both the schools and community grow. One of the things which seemed to irritate the youth was that the adults seemed focused on racial issues, while they were focused on issues related more to equality in terms of economics. For them, it didn't matter what color your skin was (and this community has some interesting history related to African-Americans being brought to the area as Native American slaves). It mattered more that there were people who were hungry, living in families where alcoholism and domestic violence were everyday experiences, who didn't have much to hope for in terms of opportuniies for improvement (at least as seen from their perspectives).

Maybe they're right. Maybe it's time for us to look beyond the old patterns of discrimination and realize that the economic divide is a greater gap, and one that's probably a bit harder to leap if you're on the lower end of the payscale. Not impossible, mind you, but definitely filled with more hurdles to jump. I applaud those youth who were (and are) concerned that each of their peers be treated as equals! Isn't this a reminder that 'a little child shall lead them'? They don't have to be so little to teach us a thing or two, do they?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Discombobulated

Indicative of my state of mind at the moment, I've started this about six times and deleted it each time. The ideas and topics have changed each time. There currently is no focus in my life, except getting through the day more or less intact. I've had times when I've been discombobulated before, but I don't think it's ever been quite like this. Really strange!

For one thing, I'm still dislocated. My home is getting closer to moving back into, but it's still going to be a while. I would never have believed how disorienting such a situation is. The rational (no, not rational, because I'm not irrational. Let's say instead 'the empathetic') part of me thinks, "If you're feeling dislocated, think how those who have no homes to go back to feel!" Yet, I am in the here and now in my life, so feeling somewhat like a ship without an anchor is not unreasonable. It's frustrating to want something which you know is in just-and-such a place in your home, but your home is 2-3 miles away from where you are living. And everything where you are living is in just a temporary location. Most of my clothes are still in suitcases! There's my stuff here, but nothing seems to have a home (if you get my drift).

Much is going on at the church. It's Lent, so getting things ready for Holy Week and Easter are enough to keep anyone busy. We're also in transition on our Choir Director/Accompanist position. Our interim's last Sunday is tomorrow. Our new one starts on Wednesday. Good things happening in the long run, but the transition time itself makes for shaky feelings and experiences.

Tomorrow afternoon I head out to see the national church at work, and participate in it! On Monday, we're selecting the moderators and vice moderators of the GA committees for our June meeting. I've never been a part of this before, so it'll be interesting to see how this works. When I graduated from seminary, I would have never believed I'd be doing things at the national level! *chuckle* Guess I've done a bit of growing since then!

Let's see. What else has happened this week? My son was supposed to come in during spring break, but had car trouble and had to bail. He's going to try to get in next week. I was really hoping to see him, though, so that's been a disappointment. I've wrangled with the postal service and won! I found out that the water leak(s) happen to be above ground, so we don't have to break into the foundation to fix them. Whew! Have a volunteer group coming in on 4/1, so I've gotta make some decisions about paint colors and wallpaper before then. My computer crashed and I've had all sorts of trouble with reformatting the hard drive and getting things up and running. I think it's about time for a new computer. *sigh*

I watched Black. White. and still feel ambivalent about that show. I'm having difficulty sorting out what behavior is resulting from the interracial interaction and what is just plain the personalities of the people involved. Truth is, I think the teens are probably getting the most out of the experience, and I wish they'd focus on the son for a while. In the two episodes I've watched, he's only had a bit part. I'm curious as to what's going through his mind. The parents seem to be involved in a tug-of-war as to who is getting the whole thing right, and I'm not sure there isn't some social sabotage happening there as well. The kids are being honest about their experiences, though, and I think that's of value.

When I look back over the past week, and what's to come ahead, I think I'm just drained and need some time to recharge - head off to the middle of nowhere for 2-3 days and just soak in some 'me time'. Wonder if Mo-Ranch has a room where I can vegetate and wander the hill country for a few days? Of course, when I'm going to manage to carve that out is a mystery to me at the moment. *very deep sigh* guess what! Pastors are human after all! *chuckle*

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Jury's Still Out

On Black. White. that is. I wonder what would have happened if Bruno and Carmen had been dropped into Beaumont society in their black personas. Bruno's certainly not "getting it" when it comes to his observations of how the African-American community often gets treated by the majority culture. His goal seems to be to show his counterparts the 'better way' to deal with the racism they've experienced throughout their lifetimes. He's just waiting for someone to use the n-word, so he can be a role-model. How condescending?! !!! (You can tell I'm not impressed by Bruno?) Carmen also seemed to be stuck in expecting certain stereotypical behavior. To me, both ended up looking like fools.

I was intrigued by the observation Brian made that whites are more curious than blacks. At some level, that too is probably a stereotype; however, several of the staff at the children's center seemed to affirm that observation. We had what is now an amusing experience at the church. We have long suspected that someone has found a place to live inside our huge 3-story building, and those suspicions seemed to be confirmed by some apparent door-slamming noises on the 2nd floor.

My secretary and one of the child care workers were upstairs at the time. Both vacated the premises fairly quickly. My secretary, who is white, wanted to find out what was going on. The child care worker, who is black, didn't care about the why, she just wanted to be safe. (Not a bad desire, btw) Ironically, the show Black. White. and this observation came up in the discussion of this incident. The varying reactions to the mysterious encounter were lifted up as culturally typical. So I wonder what led to the lack of curiosity (although I can probably guess) and how it ultimately affects the black culture in its continuing endeavor to break down the barriers to advancement.

The other two things which stick out in my mind about the first episode were: Brian buying shoes at the golf course in his 'white' persona and being astonished that the salesman actually took his shoe off his foot and put the new one on for him with a shoehorn. Intellectually, unfortunately, the fact that no shoe salesman had ever done that for him in his lifetime was not a surprise to me. What saddened me is that, even in California (which is supposed to be a racially progressive state - talk about stereotypes!), such petty slights still exist between the races.

The second thing which stands out was how sensitive the teenage daughter Rose was to the situation. You could tell she has great respect for her counterparts and the experiences they've had, and doesn't want to betray them in any way. I think she was really wrestling with the moral issue of being white while passing herself off as black. Kudos to Rose!

Guess I'm gonna have to watch next week and see where it goes from here!

P.S. The 'mysterious visitor' happened to be a door which had come loose in the mechanical room and was randomly banging because of pressure shifts in the a/c system and the wild winds we were having that day. No ghosts! Nobody seeking a safe place to stay! Just a door. *chuckle*

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Black. White.

Ok - just to make things clear from the beginning - I don't like reality shows! Now that that prejudice has been stated, let me go on to say that I have found redeeming value in Amish in the City and Beauty and the Geek, and just plain guilty pleasure in Project Runway. So here I sit on the edge of what's being called a documentary/reality show - Black. White. And I can't decide whether to plunge in and watch or not.

I watched Amish in the City initially to (truthfully) satisfy my own curiosity about whether the Amish youth in the show were treated with respect for their faith ... and found that it was the non-Amish on the show who subjected themselves to ridicule. In many respects this was a documentary where each learned something about the culture of the other, if they were willing to put aside some of their own prejudices. More of a documentary than a reality-show competition, I think much learning was done on both sides of the equation.

Beauty and the Geek was the opportunity to learn that there was more to beauty and more to geekiness than meets the eye. I suspect that each went away with more self-respect than they arrived with. My main problem with the show was the elimination of contestants aspect to it.

Project Runway - well, I got hooked on an evening when there wasn't anything else I wanted to watch on tv, and I was intrigued by the challenge of designing a party outfit just from what one could find at a supermarket. I could have done without the varying antics, but the creativity involved in the show kept me watching until the end (and I still wouldn't have chosen the guy who won!).

Now I'm faced with the ambivalence of Black. White. I believe we learn much when we walk in the shoes of another (if that's truly possible in a situation like this). I also believe racism is still a major stumbling block today. So - is it truly possible to put on the skin of someone from another racial/ethnic background for six weeks and get to what it really means to be black or white? How could I, as a white woman, completely carry the weight of a lifetime's black experience, knowing that the timeframe for the experiment is only six weeks? Would anyone truly be able to put aside one's personal history and experience in such a setting? No matter how liberal I believe myself to be, I'm not sure I could let go of the preconceptions I carry enough to let the experience truly sink in.

So, should I give in to what may be a superficial experience of another's culture and history and watch? I probably will, at least for one episode. It's a grand experiment, and maybe something of value may be learned from it. We'll just have to wait and see.